Today Is The Day

The beautiful Comms team come to send me off - clearly not
morning people! aha

Today is the day. The day the LORD has made. The day I leave the ship (for now) and head to Cameroon. I love change, but I’m not so good with impending goodbyes. This last two weeks has been full of them. Some have been ‘see you laters’, others have been final goodbyes. How can I simultaneously be so ready to go and yet not ready to go at all? I’m ready for something new, ready to live on land, ready to have a smaller community, ready for a new challenge, ready to see God show up in big ways, especially in my weakness. I’m not ready to leave all of these amazing people, the level of comfort reached from knowing where you stand with your friends, knowing you can find people to go on adventures with, being known. God is good and always provides exactly what we need – He knew that in this season I needed a few deep friendships to help me grow in unexpected ways. I know He will do it again in Cameroon and every season beyond that. 

The lovely farm owned by Stanislas' family - reminded me of
home! 

Last week, I was blessed with the opportunity to go on a home visit with our rehab team. I have far too much to say about it, so I wrote a separate post here: http://mercyshipsexperience.blogspot.com/p/other.html. The home visit was just one of many blessings last week, as I tried to rest before heading to Cameroon. We had a volleyball tournament on Saturday (we actually made it to the semis!), which was interrupted when it starting POURING. A group of us decided this was the perfect opportunity to frolic and play volleyball in the rain. It’s hilarious to see a group of grown adults running around and jumping in puddles. The Gurkhas got hospitality to bring a bunch of towels for us so we had a big drying off party on the gangway. We then decided it was time for one more country music drive, so off we went, splashing through the puddles and singing loudly. So much laughter and hilarity. Sunday was a family day – spent having breakfast off ship with one of the families, and taking the kids to the pool. So thankful to have had that time together with them.

Drying off after playing volleyball in the rain!

What’s the ship been doing, other than saying goodbyes? We hosted our final formal event, the partners’ reception; surgeries finished; the hospital and dockside tents are in pack down; the HOPE center was packed up and the team moved onto the ship; people are being trained for their new sailing roles (ie. galley, housekeeping, etc.); the Benin day crew who are becoming crew, moved onto the ship to settle into their new homes; some of our management team headed to Guinea to have preliminary discussions with them; we honoured the many patients who were told ‘no’, those we were unable to help. In the next week or so, they’ll be having a big party to celebrate and thank the day crew; honouring the long term crew who are leaving; having a flood of people leaving; and setting sail! I’m praying that everyone is able to go home and get some rest this summer and come back refreshed and ready for a new field service! 

Saying goodbye to Tiffany...

In getting ready to leave, there have been a lot of discussions of, what’s the biggest thing God taught you this field service? So many things! My answer usually encompasses vulnerability, identity, and the fact that I am such a Martha (works) and really need to learn to just sit at the feet of Jesus. Lately, God has been teaching me about boundaries (I know, that’s been a work in progress). I borrowed the book Boundaries from the chaplains, many months ago and just couldn’t get myself to read much of it. Every line was such a challenge for me.  This last week, I saw it and felt really convicted to read it. So much truth in there! I realized many of the problems I’d had this field service could have been avoided with proper boundaries. Some of the things that stuck with me: 

- My motivation – saying yes (or no) needs to come from a place of freedom, not fear or guilt or pride. I think too often my Yes’s come from those other emotions, feeling like I have to, or no one else will, or I should be serving, but God cares about the heart. He wants a genuine yes, a yes that comes from being truly free in Him. We were called into freedom, and this freedom results in gratitude, an overflowing heart, and love for others. I need to respect no’s from others and surround myself with people who respect my no’s, no’s said out of freedom.

- When you find all your joy or fulfillment from one person, essentially idolizing them, you aren’t leaving room for them to be human. You need to have other friends you can call and talk to when that friend is busy or upset of feeling selfish, etc. Your emotional well-being is not their responsibility.

- I started thinking about what behaviours I would change if there were consequences. For example, I often leave my laundry in the dryer because I forget about it, meaning someone else has to remove it and put it in a basket to dry their clothes. If I came back once or twice and my laundry was gone, I think I would learn my lesson. Now how to preemptively change my behaviour (because I don’t actually want my laundry to disappear…).

Yesterday I went up to the orphanage for the last time and said goodbye to all the kids, and Jon & Ashley. I’m going to miss that place deeply. We played some baseball, had a last lunch at the cafeteria, and took one final family picture. God is doing a big thing in Benin through the lives of these servant hearted people. This morning brought many more goodbyes on the ship and on the dock. Mercy Ships has a big culture of giving cards and I got many wonderful, thoughtful messages from friends. I am so thankful for all that God has done in my life in the last ten months, and I can’t wait to see what the next couple of months on Advance will bring! I'll try to post about Cameroon soon :)

The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep.The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. ~John 10:2-4

A big family photo from when we visited Arbre de Vie for Jon's birthday - I will miss all of these guys so much. Thankful for all the time I had to get to know them & for all the work God is doing there!

It Is Finished!

One of our adorable patients, Ichaou, with his mom.

We survived. The last guests have been hosted and have left. This week Tiffany and I were hosting two overlapping VIP Vision Trips, which made for some interesting experiences. But now, it is done. And looking back at all that’s been accomplished this field service, it’s pretty remarkable. National Geographic here for four months to film a series that has already hugely increased the number of people volunteering and giving in the countries where it’s aired; a Belgian TV celebrity with a TV crew which helped boost MS Belgium’s end of year campaign; a visit from a pair of UK performers, one of whom wrote a beautiful song (Kissed by Mercy) which she is performing on tour as she shares her experience of visiting the ship; a visit from Dana Perino, and apparently the hit she did for Fox News The Five is the most watched piece ever for The Five (we recorded the whole crew singing her happy birthday the other night!); the entire international board of Mercy Ships visiting to have their board meetings onboard; Johnson & Johnson, coming to increase their partnership; VIP donors who made pledges in the tens of millions; and many other wonderful guests from all over the world. Listing it all out, it sounds insane. And you know what? It wasn’t us who did it, God did all of these amazing things, we were just along for the ride! I am so thankful for all the opportunities that have been provided this field service, to learn and grow, to meet amazing people from all over the world, to share the work that God is doing here through passionate, servant hearted people. 

One of the many ads for the Nat Geo series The Surgery Ship.

With that said, if I had to describe the last two weeks in one word it would be: exhausted. Although I took a few days off to recover from the international board, I was at an empty tank, unable to fill it back up. I wasn’t sleeping well, wasn’t really eating, wasn’t exercising. It’s not a good place to be – when you’re that tired, it’s hard to see past your own exhaustion and love on others. I relied completely on God to give me the energy to make it through each day, to be able to do my job well. Today, I woke up feeling more energized than I had in a while! The pressure of guests and multiple jobs is now gone. Now I have one task to focus on: Advance. Hiring 276 day crew so we can serve the people of Cameroon with love and excellence. It’s been one of the hardest things emotionally, to have so many current day crew come ask for jobs, and tell you their stories. To have emails come flooding in, asking how they can work with us when we arrive to Cameroon. To have crew members approach me about hiring their day crew, telling me why they really need them to come with us. We can’t possibly hire everyone. I just have to trust that God will bring us the people we need. I am praying that God would give me the eyes to see them.

The flood of goodbyes started last week as Will left to go explore Ireland and then head home. From when we first met in Texas when he joined us for Basic Training, all the way to our last breakfast together, I’m so thankful for the time we got to spend together, for his love of life, his spirit of laughter and adventure, and for all that God is doing in his life. Together, we drove him to the airport and prayed over him, sending him out to the next thing that God is calling him to. I have deeply appreciated these prayerful goodbyes. 

Jon, Ashley, Codjo & Papa Codjo!

One of the big goodbyes coming up will be saying goodbye to Jill, Ashley and Jon from the orphanage. I spent last weekend there, playing with the kids, helping them with crafts, and enjoying their company. I was too exhausted to be as helpful as I would have liked, but I’m grateful for the time because they shared some of their struggles with us. I am thankful for this deep friendship that we have developed. They are very special people and such an encouragement to me. At our Sunday service, Ashley shared with the crew what it had meant for them to be a part of our community, after having been in Benin for so long without community. Her words moved me to tears. God is doing a big work through them. I am glad that we got to cross paths and walk alongside them for a season. Our lives in Benin now seem to be intertwined. Jon came out for drinks with us on Monday, on Thursday we went out to dinner to celebrate Ashley’s birthday, and Friday we went to the courthouse to support them as they had their final proceedings for their adoption of Codjo. I even ‘hired’ Jon to take some of our guests up to Pendjari, the safari park where we went earlier this year. I feel very blessed to have been part of these moments with them. 

Divine and the rehab team having a dance party to
celebrate her final discharge.

I wanted to share a patient story that touched my heart. Some of the patients at the HOPE Center caught chicken pox and suddenly, we weren’t sure if they would be able to have surgery. There has been this lady named Sarah who has brought many of the patients to us, and spent quite a bit of time at the HOPE Center and on the ward, accompanying patients, visiting them, checking in on how they are doing, taking them home. I have no idea where she comes from, but she has been here a long time and you can tell she cares about the people deeply. As they were discussing whether they could still do surgery on this one little girl, Sarah insisted that we had to, this was her last chance. This little girl had been with us for over a month. I have no idea if what she said influenced their decision (they are medical decisions made with the safety of the patient in mind), but I was touched to see her fighting for this little girl. In the end, they decided, yes, they would do surgery. I happened to be standing in the ward when they went to collect this girl for surgery. Normally they carry the kids into the OR, but not this feisty little girl. She drove her little plastic car down the hallway, parked it purposefully next to the OR door, and walked in. So precious! The next day, she was driving her little car around once again, her cleft lip fixed, with a brand new smile to show the world. I love this place. I love that God is at work every day. I love that when we leave, there will still be people here loving and fighting for the people of Benin. These are the silent warriors that we never hear about, who toil in obscure places for years and years, giving their lives to helping others. I am thankful to God for people like Sarah. 

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. ~Romans 8:24-25

A beautiful shot of the ship, docked in Benin, taken by Miguel with his drone.

A Sparkler or a Flame?

Blowing bubbles is serious work! I love this shot of one of our
cataract patients, Marie, that Timmy captured during a home
visit.

He did it so simply. This week we hosted the International Board of Mercy Ships on board the ship. In the end we had 32 guests come onboard, a mix of board members, their family members and Mercy Ships staff. Months of planning and extensive team work led to what the Chairman said was the best board meeting he’s had in 20 years. It really was a collaborative effort between myself, Tiffany and Lyndy, the executive assistant to the Managing Director. At one point, someone came and said, can you send your driver to pick up something at this foundation? I laughed and messaged Tiffany, hey driver, can you…And she always does everything with a smile and a positive attitude. I’m very thankful that God brought her here this field service to serve alongside me. 

The guests, all dressed up for a Presidential Dinner.

It was a privilege to be able to meet these lovely, wonderful people from all over the world who are invested in our mission and I was honoured to be given such a big responsibility. I am thankful that God used it to teach me many things, especially about delegation. Our head chef went above and beyond with delicious meals that had all the guests praising his cooking, and me joking that all the hard work was worth it just to be allowed to eat what he prepared. Our hospitality department worked long hours, and were always smiling as they took care of serving meals, preparing rooms, pouring coffee and being in many places at once. Almost every department participated in some way, going the extra mile to provide the necessary support. It was my challenge to delegate to all these departments, and in a way, maybe it was a warm up for this summer.

Speaking of this summer, I now leave in 24 days for Cameroon! Part of me is dreading all the goodbyes coming in the next month (starting with saying goodbye to Will on Wednesday) but the other part of me is incredibly excited to live on land for a while and to take on a new challenge. I tend to get a bit restless when change is just around the corner and start to pull away from relationships to protect myself. I’m working on not doing that, especially since I’ve made some friendships that I hope are ‘friends for life’. Michele told me a while back that we have, ‘friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for life’, and I thought that was an interesting way of looking at it. I know that relationships grow when you experience conflict/disagreements, and there has been a bit of that, which has been neat to see God work through. Sometimes it can be hard to truly forgive people when they hurt you, to forgive them in a way where you aren’t keeping score, and so I prayed that God would help me forgive completely and wholly, and He has, to the point where I barely remember what happened!

Thankful to be able to spend Easter with these beauties :)

A few weeks ago, we celebrated Easter, which is always a wonderful time on the ship, but still difficult for me because I am reminded of how much I miss my family. I’m someone who loves tradition and family meals, so Christmas and Easter have been rather difficult this year. There were many ways to engage with the cross and the sacrifice that Jesus made, and I participated in some things I hadn’t done last year. Anna insisted that we go to the foot washing station and wash each other’s feet. I was very reluctant, as I don’t particularly like being touched, but I’m glad we did it. It’s a very vulnerable position to find yourself in. I can’t even imagine having Jesus, our saviour, washing my feet. And yet He does, He washes us clean every day, wipes away our sin. I struggled deeply that weekend. We had too much time off, and I started to think way too much, my brain kept going and going and I couldn’t do anything to make it stop, it was like this crazy pressure that was building. It scared me that one of my greatest strengths, my mind and being perceptive and questioning things, could turn against me and be out of my control. In a moment of clarity, I realized this is why I used to numb my brain with other experiences, so I wouldn’t have to think these things, I could push it away for a short period of time at least. And I could feel those temptations pulling at me, telling me they could make it stop. But since that moment, 3 years ago, when God opened my eyes, I know that those are temporary measures. That He is the only way. That He is risen. He is risen indeed. And so I prayed (and pleaded) that God would make it stop. It took some time, but it did subside. I am so thankful that we have a good Father, one who listens to our prayers and gives His children good gifts.

One of the sparkler pictures that I've used.

And this brings me to an analogy that Tyler and I have been discussing lately. In the Mercy Media Spotlights I share with the crew, the first picture is always a different shot of a person holding a sparkler. He asked me, why do you always use sparklers? I said it was because I loved the imagery that we are a light in the darkness, that we are exploding with light and hopefully our flames will land on others and set them alight as well. I use it to encourage others, that our words and actions make a difference, even if we don’t always immediately see the fruit/fire. We can be the spark that lights a bigger fire. He pointed out that sparklers eventually burn out; wouldn’t it be better to be a constantly burning flame, consistently shining God’s light, drawing others toward you? I was initially resistant to the idea – maybe we arent’t all called to be like that? But what happened Easter weekend made me realize that he is right (as usual). I am constantly at extremes and it’s not healthy. Michele has pointed it out to me as well. In The Screwtape letters, C.S. Lewis talks about the law of undulation, how being in time means constantly changing and that the closest thing to constancy we have is undulating, the repeated return to a level from which we repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks. So I know it’s not strange or unexpected that I go through cycles, but I think there is something to be said for trying to level those out. I don’t yet have the answer for this one, I’m still working my way through it. 

I always have too much to say (surprising right?!). I will leave you with the passage below. I love that God always shows us something new in His Word. This passage really jumped out at me. The same way that Moses sends out men to check out the land of Canaan and answer all these questions about it, the Advance team is being sent ahead to Cameroon to answer many questions and report back.

Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan and said to them, “Go up into the Negeb and go up into the hill country, and see what the land is, and whether the people who dwell in it are strong or weak, whether they are few or many, and whether the land that they dwell in is good or bad, and whether the cities that they dwell in are camps or strongholds, and whether the land is rich or poor, and whether there are trees in it or not. Be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land.” Now the time was the season of the first ripe grapes. ~ Numbers 13:17-20

Some of our patients, all dressed up and ready to celebrate their new start at life. I love these colourful outfits!