Faith of a Mustard Seed

As things have settled down a bit this field service, the hectic pace has become ‘normal’ in a sense. Every day brings new challenges, new mountains that seem insurmountable, but somehow surgeries continue, lives are transformed. It’s almost like living in two different worlds – the world of Deck 5, with the offices and the planning ahead and dealing with all the big problems; and the world of Deck 3, with patients singing and praising God, Day Crew laughing and loving with patients, crew and patients dancing, children screaming and learning to walk again, and so much more. I went down there the other day and our lovely fistula ladies were walking up and down the hallway singing, as part of their exercises. There were two patients sitting just outside the OR, awaiting their cataract surgery. One gentleman was stretching for no apparent reason – the Day Crew told me he had been doing that all morning – and cracking jokes, telling me that it was about not being scared and just trusting. The other man was sitting there was clearly getting a kick out of all his jokes. I learned that this other man used to be a big star for the Cameroonian national team. Standing there, at the bottom of the stairs, with the men laughing, the women dancing, children learning to walk again, I was reminded that no matter what struggles we have or think we have, God’s got it. We may look ahead one week or one month and see all the insurmountable mountains, but God has taken every mountain we’ve faced to date and thrown it into the sea. He will do the same, every day, with every problem. We just need the faith of a mustard seed.

A few weekends ago, some friends and I stayed off ship for a night and went to visit a Chimpanzee sanctuary. It was an amazing experience. When we first arrived, we got to hold and play with the baby chimps. Each chimp has a human ‘mom’, a Cameroonian man, who is always with them, sleeps with them, for the first 4 years of their lives. I’m not a big animal person, but you can’t help but love these little guys. They resemble human babies in a lot of ways. Then the guides took us out into the forest and called the older chimps, those who are between 4 and 9 years old. I’ve never seen anything like it – 6 chimps came running and when they saw one of our guides that were SO excited and all jumped on him. It was like how a child reacts when their parent comes home after being away for a while. Then, we all got to play with them. That was an experience. They are quite rough! Think of the Trashin’ the Camp scene from Tarzan, and that’s basically what was happening. Afterwards the guides took us out on a boat and brought us to see an island where the older chimps are. These chimps were HUGE and clearly very aggressive. The guides said they go on the island once a day but that visitors need to stay in the boat. I soon saw why. They pointed out the leader of the group, and he turned away from us, grabbed a small tree and then chucked it at us. He also threw back the fruit that the guides were throwing to them. Then we drove off to another island, one that had a whole clan, those that had been around the longest. The guide proceeded to jump in the water to get closer, so we followed suit! It was a refreshing swim but it turns out the current was quite strong – I was swimming as hard as I could just to stay in place. We soon climbed back into the boat. The whole thing was a crazy, awesome adventure.

That night we slept two to a bed in the cheapest hotel we could find, and I loved it. The feeling of sleeping without air conditioning, waking up to the sun, waking up feeling alive. It was exactly what I needed. We spent the day driving around, exploring some back roads, making some friends in a village where they kept telling us that this famous football player came from (we didn’t know who he was), and enjoying the beautiful Cameroonian scenery. What a beautiful country! A one point, we stopped at a bridge to get out and look around and were immediately attacked by a swarm of gnats/bugs. Madness ensued. Everyone raced back to the car and once inside, proceeded to kill all the bugs that had come in with us. There were hundreds and by the end of it the windows were covered in blood. Most of us are still dealing with these bites, weeks later. The whole weekend was full of funny moments. Multiple people getting peed on by chimps, people getting bitten by them, or having their hair used by a chimp to wipe its butt, picking the one car where the sound system didn’t work so we actually had to talk to each other…I definitely need more adventures like this. 

It was the perfect reminder of what the incarnational model of Jesus looks like. Every person that we interacted with was aware that we were with Mercy Ships (the logo on the car kind of gives that away). By taking the time to talk with them, to get to know them, we can demonstrate so much. Because most of the group didn’t speak French, I ended up as the official translator and spent hours conversing with our guide. He soon told me he didn’t believe in Jesus and I got to talk about why I did. I’m not sure I’ve ever had to share my faith in French before, so that was a good opportunity to think about how I want to express myself. By the end of the trip, he asked me why I hadn’t become a nun, since I clearly loved Jesus so much. That made me laugh, and Carys helped me out with the answer. He clearly saw something in us because when a group from Mercy Ships came the next day he told them about how nice and lovely we were and how we talked a lot about Jesus. That group was able to pray with him. Who knows how he will feel after seeing Mercy Shippers for 10 months? I think sometimes we forget about the transformative impact we can have on others, and that was a good reminder.

I also got to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving with all of the Canadian crew onboard – turns out there are way more than I thought! We were about 30 people, and some people kindly made Tim Hortons coffee and delicious doughnuts. We all had dinner together and shared what we were thankful for that year. It’s always good to reflect back and think about all the God has done. We also recently had a visit from our founder Don Stephens, and it was great to see him encourage the crew. We arranged an opportunity for him to address the Day Crew and that was really special to see. He thanked them for all their hard work and they asked him such thoughtful questions, about dreaming big dreams. You can see that many of them want to continue to have a big impact once Mercy Ships leaves, to continue to impact those around them. It’s incredibly encouraging to see all the passion they have. 

I also got to see this when I hosted CRTV on board for two days. Listening to the Crew, Day Crew and patients share their heart for this place is so encouraging. The team got to go into the OR to observe the morning team brief, which the OR Manager explained to me was a part of the WHO Safe Surgery Checklist. We have a team that goes around to all the regional hospitals and teaches this checklist. The media team was getting to see our team using it. Bringing together all the OR nurses, anesthetists, surgeons, everyone involved, to discuss each case for the day. Then, when the team interviewed one of the local surgeons who is being mentored, they asked her what was the biggest thing she had learned. She said that she had learned how important it is to have the whole team come together in the morning to discuss the cases they would do. We then went in to film her operating with our team, and as I stood there, I realized, here was a Cameroonian media team filming a Cameroonian surgeon operating on a Cameroonian patient. What an amazing thing! And that is ultimately what we are working toward. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.~ Romans 12:12

 

Bonus Post: Hair

Three and a half years ago, a friend shared the gospel with me, and the Holy Spirit compelled me to seriously consider what he was saying. The months that followed were truly life-changing for me as I began to learn who God was, what He had done to redeem us, and started to accept His grace for myself. Over the span of a few months, I experienced a level of peace and healing that I had never found before, something I had been subconsciously been searching for, and this led to me being baptized. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! God was making me into a new creation. The Bible gives us the image of God as the potter, with us as the clay, being molded and re-molded. And so, God began to change many things in me.

With all these changes happening, I thought that it would be a good idea to go and cut off all my hair. For the last ten or so years, I had avoided having long hair but never went as short as I dreamed of doing. I can’t say for sure what my mindset was – perhaps it was that I wanted to have control over something, or that my prideful self wanted to prove that I didn’t care what people thought, or that I wanted to see how Christians would react to someone who looked different. It was a challenge, to me or to others, I’m not sure. So I went and cut off most of my hair. Number 1 on the sides, longer on top. I loved it. It led to some interesting interactions. It turned out to be more high maintenance than when I’d had longer hair. It was with this haircut that I walked into Humbervale for the first time. My gospel sharing friend suggested I check out the young adult group there, even though I had been attending another church at the time.

So I went. And I never felt anything but openness and acceptance. They could have responded in many different ways, but instead they were kind and loving to this brash, outspoken, baby Christian. They invited me back. I went. They invited me to their young adult retreat. I went. That weekend, we went to the Sunday church service after the retreat. I felt God tell me strongly that this is where He wanted me. This congregation was older, German, Baptist, with old hymns and subdued worship, completely different from the church I had been attending. And yet, I sensed a level of warmth and love, a depth of wisdom and grace that perhaps only comes from years and years of walking with God. The young adults embraced me as I was, the families welcomed me in and modeled what a Christian family looks like, the older couples were humble and gracious and elicited respect from all those around them, including me. So I became part of this family.

But back to hair. I couldn’t tell you if it was a conscious or subconscious choice, but I began to grow my hair out. For those who have ever cut their hair very short, you know it’s a bit of an awkward process. But I just let it grow. And grow. I avoided the hair dresser because a part of me was nervous that I would just ask her to cut it all off. During that time, God was working on many things in my heart. One day, during a Sunday night worship, one of the chaplains asked us to ask God to show us how He saw us, to show us how He intends us to be. I had never thought of that before. So I did. What God showed me was the culmination (or perhaps the start) of a journey that I had been on.

God gave me a picture of myself, standing on the rock that is Christ. My cornerstone. In the image, I was wearing a flowing white dress and had long hair blowing in the wind. I can’t really do it justice with words but what He impressed on my heart was this: You are not just my child, you are my beautiful daughter. I wasn’t just a child of God, but a wonderfully, beautifully made daughter of God. Those of you who know me, know how much of a struggle that concept could be for me. God was bringing forth a piece of my identity that I had long tried to avoid. I realized this was something He had been working on for the last few years. One of the things He had put on my heart previously was that I should dress up for church, dress up for Him, in a skirt or dress. At the time, I understood it as a way to show to others that God was important to me. I previously wouldn’t dress up for anything, except maybe special occasions or a date. Church was like a date with God. But He was also working on helping me accept that I was His daughter, helping me to embrace that rather than push it away, showing me the value in it.

Now, a little over three years from when I first cut my hair, I find myself in a place where people comment on how long my hair is. I look in the mirror and can’t believe how much hair I have. A friend warned me about the stage when your hair is long enough that it gets caught in your armpits, and I thought that was hilarious until it happened. I have no idea what I’m doing so the other day I Googled, what to do with long hair. Yet, I realized in a way, it’s become a testimony of the transformation that God is working in me. The same way baptism is an outward expression of committing your life to Christ, growing my hair has been an outward expression of allowing God to work in me and mold me. When I worship, I see that image of myself again, standing in front of the throne of God, and I can’t help but play with my hair. A reminder of this promise from Him, of what He is calling me to be.

I don’t know how long I will continue to grow it. If it ever became a point of pride or vanity, it would need to go, but somehow I don’t see that happening. I had planned to wait until I went home in December and then cut it to match my sister’s length (shoulder length) because everyone kept commenting how alike we looked. A few weeks ago she got a buzz cut. There goes that plan. So the hair will stay, until I feel God tell me otherwise. The reason I write this is that I’ve felt really compelled for the last week or so that I needed to share this. To emphasize that God knows us, truly knows us, in a way that we don’t even know ourselves. Ask Him to show you how He sees you. You might be surprised. He intends for us to be made whole. He loves us while we are still broken. And so when I read the fruits of the Spirit, and think how can I possibly ever have these qualities, particularly gentleness, I’m reminded of that image God gave me, of how He intends me to be. I’m reminded that He is working in me every single day, making me new, and that with the help of the Spirit, it is possible to be all of these things and more.

[I walked into the dining room after writing this and the first thing someone said to me was, wow your hair is so long now! Couldn't help but laugh...]

So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the Lord came to me. He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel." ~ Jeremiah 18:3-6