Home Visit

Stanislas

After driving for several hours and stopping to ask for directions many times to make sure we were headed the right way, we finally turned off the main road and headed down a long, bumpy dirt road. We drove down this road for quite a while before we reached a small town. We stopped and realized we had passed Stanislas! There he was with his brother. After some quick hello’s, they hopped in the car with us and directed us out of town, to their home. The first place we stopped at was his father’s home, but his father was not there. We were quickly introduced to a few family members but then asked if we could instead go to his father’s brothers house (his uncle). So we hopped back in the car and drove over there. This was a nice house with a large lawn area. We were invited in by the uncle and the place soon filled up. We were introduced to many people – Stan’s mom and dad, his grandma, his wife (his face lit up when she walked in the room, he clearly loves her very much), his daughter (he has three kids), his brothers and their wives, etc. His grandfather was also introduced to us – born in 1916, he is 101 years old. He looked pretty good!

Once they had been introduced, we then introduced ourselves. Quite a diverse group – an American, a South African, an Australian, a Canadian and a Beninois. We exchanged many pleasantries, thanking God for all he had done, they thanked us for our love and care of Stan, etc. But then, came the hard questions. Before, Stan could work on the farm and do this and this…now he can’t. How will he care for his family? Stan had been burned when he was young and his arm was severely contracted so that he couldn’t extend it, but he still had use of his hand. He had adapted to living like this and was able to farm, build his home, get married, have children, drive a zemi, etc. People are resilient. In bringing him to the ship, our hope was to release the contracture and give him full use of his arm, but a surgical complication led to him losing his arm. Now, Stan was down to one arm – the purpose of our visit was to help him understand that he could adapt again, and still live a full life.

I first heard about Stan’s story from my friend Michelle, who was his physical therapist. She told me she had never been so invested in a patient. She was seeing him every day, working with him to restore as much function to the arm as possible. She wanted to raise money to buy a good prosthesis for Stan, something he would never be able to afford on his own, so Michelle and the Rehab team leader, Stefi, started to give 30 minute massages to crew members, charging $10 each. The list filled up almost instantly. There was huge demand. They each did one massage a day, on top of their already busy days, and were able to raise all the funds needed to fit Stan with his prosthesis before he headed home. I was deeply touched by how much they went above and beyond, and so I decided to join them as they headed to Stan’s village, about one week after he had gone home himself.

So here we were, sitting on a couch, in front of the whole family, being asked how we were going to help Stanislas. Michelle handled all the questions with such grace and compassion. She explained that the biggest thing we could do was to impart knowledge, equipping Stan to do many of the things he did before, just with a slight variation. She had already explained and discussed this many times with Stan, but it was clear from the conversation that he was at the bottom of the pecking order. His family needed it explained to them. So Michelle patiently went over what happened, what exercises they had practiced, what he would now be able to do. To me, it seemed like they asked in 8 different ways if we would give them money or some kind of material support, but she continued to emphasize that what he needed was to be able to adapt and get back to doing the things he did before. He needed to believe in himself, and start trying new methods. We were here to help kick start that. She asked if we could head out to the field to observe which skills Stan needed to be able to do. After much discussion, they decided they would take us to the father’s plot of land. We hopped in the car and followed the zemis, driving for about 10 minutes before stopping at a soccer field next to a school. They said it was about a 10 minute walk from there. We walked through a huge plot of land, spreading out all around us, all planted. When we arrived at the piece that belonged to them, Michelle asked them to demonstrate which tasks Stan had to be able to do, and how he did them before. We got many demonstrations. Some from Stan, some from his brothers. She showed them a new way that he could do it with just one arm, talking about how they could adapt the angle of the tool to give him better leverage. A few of the brothers said he could not do it. 

This is when Michelle got very serious. Not with that attitude, he won’t be able to! Right now, Stanislas needs your encouragement and support. He will be able to do ALL of these things, but he needs to start by believing he can. He needs you to come alongside him and support him. They all listened very seriously as her words were translated. Yes, yes, you are right, we must support Stan, said the uncle as he weighed in on the conversation, he can do this, it will just take time. After showing them how to adjust the tasks to do them one handed, the brothers tried it out as well. This is good, said one brother, I can work and talk on my cellphone at the same time, he said, miming being on the phone, causing everyone to laugh. Another brother demonstrated while pretending to be drinking with his other hand. Everyone was excited now.

Okay, what else does he need to be able to do? Michelle asked them. They discussed how he would peel corn. Michelle and Desre, the other therapist with us, suggested sticking the corn on a nail that was sticking through a board, so it would stay, and then peeling it with one hand. I was impressed by their ingenuity, finding ways around every problem. Clearly they had done this before. Okay, what else? She asked. She wanted to give them ideas for every task possible before we left. Well, before, he could swim, but now he won’t be able to…. Said one brother. What?! Of course he can swim with one hand! People in the Olympics swim with no hands and no feet. There are people who surf with no hands. I’ve taught people to swim one handed, of course he can do it! Michelle replied. Well that settled that issue. The uncle chimed in, before, Stan could drive a zemi and transport people and goods and make some money that way. Hmm…that one took a bit more thought. Michelle shared with them that she had seen motorcycles where the gas was foot operated, so it didn’t require two hands, perhaps a mechanic could rewire the motorcycle? 

At this point, they were running out of tasks that they thought Stan couldn’t do. I think they were as impressed as I was, that she seemed to have a solution for everything. And she really believed in Stan. She talked directly to him, and seemed frustrated when the others didn’t include him in the discussion or ask him his opinion. I think her visiting helped show them how valuable he is, how much he can still do, if they would just believe in him and give him the chance. She explained how he wouldn’t be as fast as he was before at the beginning, but he could work back up to it. He just needed to try! And figure out what worked best for him. Yes, before he could do 200 rows in one day. Maybe now he starts with 50, then 60, then 70, and keeps getting better, said the uncle. He seemed really onboard with everything she was saying, and clearly he was the head of the family, even if he was the younger brother. He was educated (from the sounds of it, most of them had never gone to school, including Stan), spoke French (none of the others did) and was a teacher. I used to do 200 but now I can only do 50, he said, patting his large stomach with a laugh. Having established that there was nothing Stanislas couldn’t do with just one arm, we headed back to the car. Stanislas had been adapting his whole life – it was all he had known, now he just needed to adapt again. He was going to have to trust himself, and God, for this new journey, not Mercy Ships.

As we got in the car to leave, after many pictures and hugs and getting to meet Stanislas’ son, I thought about the impact that this visit would have on this family. They were touched that we drove so far to visit them. We were blessed that they all came out to the field to listen and watch. I don’t think we would have had their buy in otherwise. Hopefully they now understand the importance of believing that Stan can do it, and encouraging him. He has a long road ahead of him. We certainly believe in him. 


You can also read a bit about Michelle's journey with Stanislas here:
https://milesformercy.wordpress.com/2017/05/22/journey-with-a-friend/
https://milesformercy.wordpress.com/2017/05/01/stand-still/