Onboarding Week 3: Who Am I?

The focus of this week was on figuring out who we are, what our personal values are and how to resolve conflict. It started off with this: Jesus doesn’t have any confusion about who we are. We have confusion about who we are. We answered a lot of questions about ourselves, did DISC assessments, thought about the things we love/loathe doing (in a work context), talked out future plans and developed personal mission statements. To be honest, I struggled with many of the exercises. I just couldn’t think of anything. Perhaps I don’t do enough internal reflection, but I found that once I started, the devil really used that as an opportunity to make me doubt myself. When you see everyone’s personalities laid out, it’s hard not to compare and really focus on all the negatives of yours. I’m a high I (influence), and interestingly the only one in our group (which means patience will be key for me on this field service as many of the others are detail oriented). The negatives of my personality type include talking too much, being overly enthusiastic and difficulty with focus. It’s easy to see that I have all of those.

Kat & I had a nice paddle boat ride until she fired me for
being unable to create appropriate ripples (to photograph).

Thankfully I am surrounded by such amazing Godly people and I was able to talk it out with my small group. One girl in our group has the opposite personality of me and has always struggled with feeling she should talk more. Here I was, saying I thought I should talk less. God made us all different for a reason and He has different plans for each of us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work on the fruits of the spirit (gentleness anyone?), but it does mean we shouldn’t compare ourselves to others or wish we were different. Those aren’t Godly thoughts. We were each wonderfully and beautifully made by God and we need to remember that. I need to remember that.

We also did an exercise where we narrowed down a long list of values until we only had four. That’s a really hard exercise! Internally you’re like, do I just pick love, grace, joy and peace? But this goes back to us each being different. Not picking a value, doesn’t mean it isn’t important. However there are certain things that you demonstrate more or that guide you more than others. My four values, in order, were: grace, selflessness, honesty and passion. We read out our values and every single person had values that differed from the others. After this we developed our mission statements. I thought about this a lot but what I came up with (for now) was this: My life purpose is to use my passion and honesty to share stories of grace and truth that encourage others to seek God’s face and give Him all the glory. This is the culmination of a lot of thoughts that came during this week. One of the teachings was about how God gives us a new name (ex:Peter), and the words that kept coming to mind were storyteller and encourager. All things to think about.

In terms of the conflict resolution, the piece that stuck out to me the most was the idea of creating safe space for discussions. Do I want to be RIGHT or do I want to grow the RELATIONSHIP? I know what the “right” answer to the question is (relationship) but if I’m honest, being right is often more important to me. I often don’t create a safe environment for people to share their ideas and opinions (this is never intentional). I get very heated and passionate sometimes (all the time?) and that tends to shut people down, especially those who avoid conflict. It’s definitely something I need to work on. Do others believe that I care about their goals in this conversation? Another point was talking tentatively, which I mostly took to mean being gentler and having less absolutes in a conversation (ie. In my opinion, I perceived it this way, what do you think about….). This is going to be a long work in progress because I am a person of absolutes.

Cowboy church.

One new thing: We went to something called Cowboy church on Sunday. What an interesting concept! They try and get men, especially ranchers, coming to church, so they have a big ranch and rodeo and all kinds of ‘cowboy’ stuff. 75% of the vehicles were trucks, everyone had cowboy hats and jeans and cowboy boots (including the pastor) and the worship bordered on the country side. We really weren’t sure what to expect but it was awesome! The worship, message and people were all fantastic. It’s so cool to see people worship the same God, in different ways. It really drives home a lesson they’ve been teaching us: It’s not wrong….it’s different. If it’s not a Biblical principal then it’s just a preference, and those aren’t as important as loving others.

One thing I observed: We are becoming such a family! We spend our free time having intense dinner conversations (and solving decades long theological issues), playing board/card games and watching movies together. When some people leave on the weekend, their absence is really felt. We can’t wait to have them back. We also swim and one girl is leading a water aerobics class. We all submitted baby pictures to one person and now we all have to guess who is who. It's awesome. 

One of our many game nights.

One thing I felt God was telling me: I’m realizing that God had a lot He wanted to teach me before sending me back to the ship. Everyday is filled with wonderful realizations of who He is and how He is working around me. I’m working on seeing Him in everything. This week He gave me this beautiful picture of standing in the middle of a flowing river, dancing and singing joyously, so content in Him. All around, there were thirsty people, looking hesitantly at the river and wanting to drink from it. They were drawn to it because of the joy of the people who were already immersed. We can cause people to question things and seek answers just by our indescribable joy and peace. It’s an encouraging thought. Come to the river, all who are thirsty, come and drink. Come to the river, taste and see.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. - Colossians 1:9-12

Our lovely onboarding group!

Onboarding Week 2: Hearing From God

I find it interesting that I had doubts about the usefulness of onboarding because looking back, I remember when I was considering coming back for 10 months, God put this thought in my head: Hey why don’t you commit to two years, that way you can do onboarding? And I was like, yeah that sounds awesome! But of course, after that, the lies and doubts start to creep in. But God is so good, He always knows what we need, even if we don’t know. Especially when we don’t know. He knew I needed this. He has so much He wants to show me and teach me before I get back to the ship. This week, I grew so much in my personal relationship with God. He showed up in the most amazing ways. The focus of the week was on learning more about the God we serve – His characteristics, His unchanging purpose and how to communicate with Him.

Beth captured this beautiful moment for us:
Praying for unity as a communications team.

I think the area I needed the most work on (out of those three), was communicating with God. I do decently well at talking to God (big surprise eh?), but I’m not so good at listening. I miss out on hearing all the things He wants to share with me because I’m too busy DOING. One of our teachers had us do an exercise where we split into groups of three and spent some time asking God for a word for each other. She had just finished sharing some of her walk with God and I remember thinking, I want that. I want a life of experience from walking with God, I want to be able to share the fruits of my faith journey to encourage others. So when she told us the exercise, in my head I was thinking, yeah okay, sure but God doesn’t talk to me like that. She had said that at first, she could only tell when God was shouting at her, but she eventually learned to hear His whisper. I’m definitely still at that shouting stage.

I think God accepted my challenge. For both of the girls, God gave me something to share with them. Often, I have trouble discerning God’s voice from my own, but when you are asking for a word for someone else you know it’s from God because it means almost nothing to you, but a lot to them. And it’s so interesting because I am very much a verbal person, yet God chose to show me a picture. I think that was Him giving me another confirmation that it was Him and not me. I have never felt as personally close to God as I did in that moment. Our teacher talked about knowing Jesus as a friend. I think that was my first experience with that.

Another big moment came during our silent retreat. On Saturday, we went to Tyler state park and spent a few hours in silence with God. Beforehand, everyone was talking about swimming, hiking, renting kayaks, etc. so I said, God how do you want me to spend this time with you? And he showed me a very clear picture of me at the foot of His throne, sitting in contentment, just being with Him. So that’s what I did. I found a quiet part of the forest and just sat with Him. Two big things happened. The first is the He filled me back up with peace and joy and love and grace. I had been feeling pretty emotionally drained from the whole week and He knew what I needed.

Our lovely small group, with our leader Erin (in pink).

The second thing is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. It requires a little back story though. On the ship, the chaplains had been talking about grace and truth and how we have to have equal measures of both. I knew I had lots of truth, but I could definitely use more grace (which I’ve noticed is usually the opposite for people who grew up in the church). On Wednesday, my small group leader (a very wise and amazing lady), asked me to have lunch with her. During our conversation, things came up that I hadn’t talked about in a long time. She told me that it’s impossible to give something we don’t have. Wow! That hit me so much. I wasn’t able to give more grace because I hadn’t accepted it for myself. I’ve been able to accept God’s truth – that He is the creator, that we are sinful, that we need a saviour – but I have trouble accepting His grace. That I am deserving and worthy of that. We were praying after one of the sessions and someone came and stuck a sticky note in front of me. All it said was: Renee, I felt like God was telling me to tell you that He is proud of you. Those words had quite the impact on me. It’s something I have a hard time believing. So when I was in my quiet time with God, I asked Him to reveal His grace to me in a new way since I clearly wasn’t getting it. And He did. Once again, He painted me the most amazing picture:

It starts with a little boy and his father. The little boy goes out to play and comes back covered in dirt from head to toe. The dad doesn’t get angry or frustrated, but gently reminds the boy to try and keep clean. The boy is very sorry and promises to do better. The dad starts to lovingly clean him off (which takes a while because he is so dirty) and in that time the boy realizes how much his dad loves him. But he is eager to go back and play. So as soon as he is clean, he goes back out. The boy comes back, but this time he is less dirty than last time. Again the dad gently reminds him why he needs to stay clean, the boy is repentant and the dad lovingly cleans him off. Then the boy goes back out. This continues over and over until eventually the boy comes back one time and he is completely clean. The dad smiles proudly and says, well done son.

God was showing me that this is how His grace works. He sends us into the world and we fall down and sin and get dirty. We come back to Him, truly repentant and saying we won’t do it again. He doesn’t ever get angry or frustrated with us. He washes us clean of our sin, spends time teaching us and loving us and then sends us back out. Each time, we are strengthened and we resist sin a bit more, we say no to the lies, no to the world. The goal is that one day we will come before Him clean (thanks to His help), and He will say, well done my good and faithful servant. The beauty of it was that God revealed to me how the boy felt emotionally throughout, but also how the father felt. What a good God we serve, one who speaks to us in ways that we understand and who knows us intimately! As one Bethel song puts it, You don’t have to come but you always do. You show up in a splendor and change the whole room.

[I don't know how theologically accurate this whole picture is, I just know God was using it to get me to finally understand His grace].

Some other things that stuck out to me this week:

We acted out the parable of the prodigal son...Stef was the
fattened cow that gets killed to celebrate his return.

- God is often talking to us, sometimes we just need to turn down the static/outside noise to be able to hear Him.

- How I view God is how I reflect God.

- Looking at the characteristics of God (from Exodus 34:6-7), two things stuck out to me. We looked up the Hebrew word for lovingkindness, as we tried to figure out what exactly the concept was. It is trying to convey the idea of covenant love/loyal love/persistent love. I thought that was so beautiful. The other one was an interesting definition of just: being faithful to the original. This idea that God is setting things right, back to how they should be, that is justice.

- Being here at onboarding has taught me to trust that others (especially the Mercy Ships leadership) are also praying and listening to God. I may not agree with every decision, but I can find peace in the fact that they are truly seeking God and His guidance.

- When we are asking God for guidance, are we really at peace with anything He chooses or are we leaning towards one thing/option more? The visual was, are you lifting both hands up to God, or is one handed lifted above the other, hoping God picks that option. This can lead to us confusing God’s voice with our voice. One person shared that God has given her a lot of her desires and none of those things brought her contentment. A lot of times we have no idea what is best for us. We need to seek His will in all things.

I apologize if my thoughts are all over the place. It's hard to put into words (and organize) the things He has shown and revealed to me this week. I know that most of it is for my growth alone, but I pray that some of it would encourage you as well. In summary: God is good - all glory to Him alone!

 “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd. - John 10:14-16

We went out for a dinner as the communications team - these are the amazing people that I will be working with all year.
Kat, myself, Tiffany, Windsor and Miguel.

Onboarding Week 1: Back to the Basics

'Graduating' from FMS - 1 week down, 4 to go.

This week was FMS – Foundations of Mercy Ships. While most of it was things that I already knew about Mercy Ships, God really worked through that to teach me certain things about myself. They talked to us about the mission, vision and core values (love God, love and serve others, be people of integrity, be people of excellence in all we say and do); taught us about the history of Mercy Ships; talked about what it was like to live on the ship; how to raise support, and many other things.

There were several things that stuck out to me. The first was that the culture and values of Mercy Ships are the same on the ship as they are here at the IOC. There is that same sense of community and passion. Another thing that I noticed was that everything they do has a Biblical basis. All the plans and values and ideas are based in scripture. They have thought out every aspect of what they do, including the 5 ‘why’s’: why ships, why hospitals, why Africa, why volunteers, why Jesus. It’s also neat to be here at the head office and meet all the people we have been emailing with, putting faces to the names. The last thing that has really impacted me is the level of honesty and transparency within the organization. The leadership have done a really good job of giving us a real sense of what this organization is about and haven’t sugarcoated the difficulties, especially when it comes to living in a community of faith aboard the ship.

The seas were starting to get stormy off the coast of Africa.

On Tuesday, the ship sailed away from Madagascar, headed to Durban, South Africa for some maintenance. I woke up to lots of pictures showing the people on the dock waving them off. I know it was very hard for the day crew who have spent 18 months or more serving with us. However, I heard some really encouraging news on that front! Two of our crew stayed behind in Madagascar to teach business classes and do micro finance loans. Some of my friends have been attending the classes this week and have been really inspired. One friend told me he wants to save money and open an orphanage and a school so he can help teach the next generation, so that they can help change Madagascar. I think it’s amazing that they want to continue to serve their people and help lift their country up.

The ship will soon be landing in Durban, however the last few nights have been really rough for the crew. Lots of videos and photos have been posted of huge waves rocking the ship. They could use your prayers as they go through the next few days operating on very little sleep!

We were invited to a lovely BBQ on
Friday and some people tried out their
horseshoe skills!

One new thing: The IOC campus where we are staying used to belong to a medical company who had to abandon it (the workers were told not to come back to work). Mercy Ships hasn’t changed much, which means that there are some interesting touches, such as a conference room with a plush carpet and old school wooden paneling. There is also a building which serves as the gym, which has a basketball court, rooms for racquetball, and very old workout equipment everywhere. I had the opportunity to play racquetball with one of my friends, which was funny because I had it confused with squash (which my mom and I used to play). The room is the same, but the rules and lines are very different. My friend beat me pretty badly. Other than work out, we spend our free time having movie nights in the common room, or playing Settlers of Catan, or doing some of the homework we’ve been assigned.

One thing I observed: The last two Sundays I’ve had the opportunity to go to two very different churches. Last Sunday, the worship consisted of one man going up to the front and leading the church in some hymns, with no musical accompaniment. Apparently they believe that we are meant to worship God with our voices alone. This was followed by tithing and then communion, both of which were very somber affairs. It seemed to me that there was no room for the joy of the Lord. But after this, the pastor, who was fairly young, came up and preached an amazing sermon. It was very powerful, talking about how we are stuck in our ‘me bubble’, and he preached most of it from one section in Jude. This Sunday was almost the complete opposite, with a full worship band singing contemporary songs, and the pastor preaching a message that pulled on many Bible passages and talked about the men of the church being alert and standing firm, along with needing to humble ourselves before the Lord. It’s neat to see people worship God in all different ways, and see the thread of community that runs through them all. The ‘church’ is not about the order of business or style of worship or message, but rather the people who are there, growing in Christ together.

One thing I felt God was telling me: This should really be ten things God has been telling me….but I’ll try to stick to one! One of the speakers shared a devotional with us this week and I felt like he was talking directly to me. He talked about how we are so busy thinking about what’s next, that we miss out on all the little moments of joy right now. I’ve been so busy thinking about the next thing – getting to the ship, getting to Benin, leaving the ship – that I haven’t been focusing on what God wants of me right now. He has me here in this place because He is teaching me things and preparing me for whatever He has planned next. So I need to focus on right now and see what it is that He wants me to do and learn. I need to give my everything to Him, today. My prayer is that I would be able to give Him all of me today, while still patiently waiting for tomorrow.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13

Some of the ladies went for a walk and took some silly pictures - these are some of the amazing ladies who make up my
onboarding family! (Thank goodness other people take pictures otherwise I would have nothing to show you).

Reverse Culture Shock & Off to Texas

The beautiful church I call home.

After leaving the Africa Mercy with my mom, I landed in Toronto and got to spend a wonderful week in Toronto visiting my lovely church and church family. I got to share some of my experiences in front of the church (we all know how much I love that) and catch up on all the things I’d missed. I am so grateful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of people who encourage me as I continue to walk in the path God has set before me. The week was spent getting as much wisdom from Pastor Tim as I could, visiting with friends from Staples, and spending quality time with people from church. What a blessing it was to get some solid Biblical teaching during the sermons, Sunday school and Bible Study classes. We are so blessed in North America to have people who are so versed in the Word and who can deepen our understanding of what God has shared with us.

I got to watch my little cousins in action.

I then went home and got to spend two weeks with my family, giving me the opportunity to watch my cousins play softball, take them to a movie, see my sister hard at work, visit my mom at work, have a family BBQ, watch our parliament in action, and just spend some amazing time in their company.

Coming home was definitely an interesting experience. I had a really hard time saying goodbye to Madagascar, and am still struggling through those emotions and missing people. At the same time, I experienced some reverse culture shock as I tried to remember the acceptable social behaviours around things like taking the bus and not greeting every person I met. I also discovered that after living in an environment where there were always people around from the second I woke up, to the second I fell asleep, that being home was very lonely. I would spend long periods of time on my own and it seemed like other people were too engrossed in their lives to bother talking to a stranger. In North America, it seems like we all inhabit the same space but live completely separate lives. Coming from a warm culture where I felt immediately at home, going back to a cold culture was difficult. I also learned that all those things that we think are so important – privacy, long showers, choice of food – became way less important after they were taken away and then given back. I realized I was quite happy without all those things. Once you take away things, people become far more important.

'Home' has taken on a new meaning.

Two really special moments stuck out about my time at home. The first was on my last Sunday at church. Pastor Tim called me up front so that the church could pray for me and send me out. He asked everyone who felt close to me to come up and lay their hands on me, joking that there might not be enough space for everyone. What a powerful moment, to have the church lift me up and send me out. I felt overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit in that moment – such a sense of peace and love and support. The second moment was during a family BBQ where my dad asked me if I would pray for everyone. It was really special to be able to ask God to open their hearts and to work in their lives.

On Friday I left Canada for Lindale, Texas for the start of onboarding. It was difficult to once again say goodbye to people who mean the world to me, especially for such a long period of time. But I am certain that I am where God wants me, and my goal is to wake up every day thanking Him for the daily bread He provides in terms of food, love, shelter, etc. and to ask Him to show me where He is working that day and where I can join in. What’s His plan for me that day? Is it to encourage others? Is it to be in the background? Whatever opportunities come before me, I want to be sure that I am prepared to act on them with the guiding of His Spirit.

One thing I felt God was telling me: There has been one particular thing that I feel God has put on my heart since I left the ship. And that is the idea of discipleship. Long term discipleship, the way Jesus demonstrated in the Bible. He spent 3 years living and walking with His disciples. Its this idea of walking with people in their faith, for 2-3 years, being there for all the highs and lows and pointing to God in all circumstances. When something bad happens, let’s pray about it and ask God. When something good happens, let’s pray about it and thank God. I had a small taste of this when I was in Madagascar, and that’s part of what made it so hard to leave. I’ve been really thinking about staying in one place for a long period of time and walking with others in their faith. Being mentored and mentoring others. However, two years is a long time and we will see what God has planned for me in those two years and where that takes me. It’s just something for me to keep in mind, and I feel like He really taught me the impact that Godly living can have on others, and that He can do great things through us.

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.” - Acts 2:38-39