The Battle: Tasks vs. Relationships

A beautiful photo captured by Anna this weekend.

I have this tendency of wanting to start every blog with three words: God is good! But it’s true. Every day here is challenging and fascinating and different. Relationships change and grow and wane with time. One moment, I’m sitting in the office alone reading at night, and one hour later, there are now ten people in the office, laughing and being ridiculous together. We aren’t being productive, we aren’t necessarily serving, we’re just being. Just being together, loving each other completely, being valued for our crazy, silly openness with each other. With so many tasks being piled on lately, I’ve gotten lost in the tasks and forgot about relationships. I know I’ve said this before. But God pulls me back every time. And I think He’s starting to pull me back faster. Not only am I more aware, but I’m surrounded by more people who are willing to rebuke me in love, who want the best for me and are willing to call me out. Renee, you seem stressed. You’re overwhelmed. You’re not loving well. When I dig my heels in and get stubborn about it, I know they’re onto something. I step back and realize it’s true. At the end of the day, I accomplished all these tasks and who cares? What does it matter? Those tasks will mean nothing in a week, in a month, in a year. But relationships – those can last for eternity. 

Crazy car rides - buying machetes for $2.50, getting pulled
over by the police, telling hilarious stories, etc.

Many times the tasks are coming in and I feel like I’m climbing a mountain but I’ve always been able to get to the top and stand back and look at all that was accomplished, and think, job well done. But now, I reached a point where I was climbing and climbing and never making upward progress. Tasks just kept coming. I was being physically forced to delegate. I couldn’t take on anymore. This field service has helped me realize that I struggle with delegating. I’m certainly not the kind of manager that I look for in others. So suddenly I had to delegate tasks. And I did. I just started forwarding emails to others, saying can you take care of this? This is for you. It’s been hard – Tiff likes to say I have this whole idea in my head but only tell her two sentences and expect her to completely understand – but it’s also been beautiful. I’ve seen people flourish as they are empowered to do more. Some very wise people pointed out that this is the desired long term impact. Being in relationship with others, encouraging and empowering them, this is discipleship. That’s what all the tasks are there for – to help you build relationship, to help you love and serve others. Lift others up, so that you could walk away and they would be fine, that’s what makes a good manager, a good leader, a good friend. 

So I’d love to tell you all the things happening in the hospital or the HOPE Center but if I’m honest – I can’t. I’ve barely been down there, other than to complete specific tasks. Much has been accomplished: our MCB Director spoke at a local TEDx event about the importance of access to safe surgical care; advance contracts were translated; promotional interviews were arranged; fun facts were gathered; resource requests were fulfilled; a corporate vision trip with Johnson & Johnson was scheduled and is currently being hosted; many things were planned and organized for the upcoming international board meeting, etc. But until I re-centered, not much was accomplished in the way of relationship and loving on people. I’m a doer – I’m sure this will be a struggle for a long time. Which is why I want to surround myself with people who are willing to rebuke me: Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt (Leviticus 19:17b).

Looking a little too intense
I think...PC to Kat

On Thursday night I was blessed/terrified to have the opportunity to share one of our Mercy Media Spotlights at a Global Community Gathering, which means all the staff in Texas was watching as well, right before our President and Founder spoke. It was only 3 minutes of talking, but for those who witnessed me give my testimony at church, you know that this is something that God has used to make me rely completely on Him. Thankfully I was up there with Michele, one of my biggest supporters and encouragers, and an amazing public speaker. I think I just blanked out and God took over for 3 minutes, because I got some great feedback the next day from people on the ship and all the way in Texas. It’s like one of the patients in the Nat Geo episode who sings, what I thought was impossible, He did it so simply, He did is so simply! I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. 

One of my absolute favourite things in the world: 'Family' meals

This last weekend, we went back to the beach house from a few months ago, the one where some of my deep friendships started. We went with the 5 Americans who run the orphanage that we visit often, and it was such a wonderful time. I love seeing God’s majesty in nature - sitting watching the ocean roar for hours, dancing in a thunderstorm, floating in water for hours. What joy, to stand before Him in awe, to dance on the beach, to stand with a group of people and spontaneously start singing worship songs, to have deep theological conversations about suffering and desiring God above all, to discuss how we’ve changed and struggled over the last few months. I reached a point where I was able to turn my brain off and just sit in their presence and not feel like I had to ask questions or carry the conversation or do anything than just BE with them. Moments like those will stay with me for a long time. 

Lately, I’ve found myself having a lot of words spoken over me and I’ve learned that you have to be careful what you let stick: loyal, boss girl, authentic, bible basher, important, impatient, uptight, easy, a good friend. If you let something continue for long enough, you risk becoming that person. I’ve had to really pray about some of those names given to me. Which ones are true? Which ones are Godly? I’ve definitely dismissed some of the above – they aren’t part of how God sees me and so I don’t want them to be how I see myself. For some of the words, they may not be the first time I heard them, but they really stuck this time the person said it. I’ve also started seeing the names God wants me to have: gentle, compassionate, kind. The words of this song have stuck with me lately: Everybody wants change, don’t nobody want to change though, don’t nobody want to pray. We complain a lot but rarely make an effort to change, rarely acknowledge that we may be the problem. Changing is hard but I love it. God is with me through it all, and I’m going to keep praying through it all. 

The Lord said to Moses: “Bring me seventy of Israel’s elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the tent of meeting, that they may stand there with you. I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone. ~ Numbers 11:16-17

Gotta love awkward 'family' pictures...I had to pick this one because of how Ashley is looking up at Tyler like, why you so tall?!