The Battle: Tasks vs. Relationships

A beautiful photo captured by Anna this weekend.

I have this tendency of wanting to start every blog with three words: God is good! But it’s true. Every day here is challenging and fascinating and different. Relationships change and grow and wane with time. One moment, I’m sitting in the office alone reading at night, and one hour later, there are now ten people in the office, laughing and being ridiculous together. We aren’t being productive, we aren’t necessarily serving, we’re just being. Just being together, loving each other completely, being valued for our crazy, silly openness with each other. With so many tasks being piled on lately, I’ve gotten lost in the tasks and forgot about relationships. I know I’ve said this before. But God pulls me back every time. And I think He’s starting to pull me back faster. Not only am I more aware, but I’m surrounded by more people who are willing to rebuke me in love, who want the best for me and are willing to call me out. Renee, you seem stressed. You’re overwhelmed. You’re not loving well. When I dig my heels in and get stubborn about it, I know they’re onto something. I step back and realize it’s true. At the end of the day, I accomplished all these tasks and who cares? What does it matter? Those tasks will mean nothing in a week, in a month, in a year. But relationships – those can last for eternity. 

Crazy car rides - buying machetes for $2.50, getting pulled
over by the police, telling hilarious stories, etc.

Many times the tasks are coming in and I feel like I’m climbing a mountain but I’ve always been able to get to the top and stand back and look at all that was accomplished, and think, job well done. But now, I reached a point where I was climbing and climbing and never making upward progress. Tasks just kept coming. I was being physically forced to delegate. I couldn’t take on anymore. This field service has helped me realize that I struggle with delegating. I’m certainly not the kind of manager that I look for in others. So suddenly I had to delegate tasks. And I did. I just started forwarding emails to others, saying can you take care of this? This is for you. It’s been hard – Tiff likes to say I have this whole idea in my head but only tell her two sentences and expect her to completely understand – but it’s also been beautiful. I’ve seen people flourish as they are empowered to do more. Some very wise people pointed out that this is the desired long term impact. Being in relationship with others, encouraging and empowering them, this is discipleship. That’s what all the tasks are there for – to help you build relationship, to help you love and serve others. Lift others up, so that you could walk away and they would be fine, that’s what makes a good manager, a good leader, a good friend. 

So I’d love to tell you all the things happening in the hospital or the HOPE Center but if I’m honest – I can’t. I’ve barely been down there, other than to complete specific tasks. Much has been accomplished: our MCB Director spoke at a local TEDx event about the importance of access to safe surgical care; advance contracts were translated; promotional interviews were arranged; fun facts were gathered; resource requests were fulfilled; a corporate vision trip with Johnson & Johnson was scheduled and is currently being hosted; many things were planned and organized for the upcoming international board meeting, etc. But until I re-centered, not much was accomplished in the way of relationship and loving on people. I’m a doer – I’m sure this will be a struggle for a long time. Which is why I want to surround myself with people who are willing to rebuke me: Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in their guilt (Leviticus 19:17b).

Looking a little too intense
I think...PC to Kat

On Thursday night I was blessed/terrified to have the opportunity to share one of our Mercy Media Spotlights at a Global Community Gathering, which means all the staff in Texas was watching as well, right before our President and Founder spoke. It was only 3 minutes of talking, but for those who witnessed me give my testimony at church, you know that this is something that God has used to make me rely completely on Him. Thankfully I was up there with Michele, one of my biggest supporters and encouragers, and an amazing public speaker. I think I just blanked out and God took over for 3 minutes, because I got some great feedback the next day from people on the ship and all the way in Texas. It’s like one of the patients in the Nat Geo episode who sings, what I thought was impossible, He did it so simply, He did is so simply! I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. 

One of my absolute favourite things in the world: 'Family' meals

This last weekend, we went back to the beach house from a few months ago, the one where some of my deep friendships started. We went with the 5 Americans who run the orphanage that we visit often, and it was such a wonderful time. I love seeing God’s majesty in nature - sitting watching the ocean roar for hours, dancing in a thunderstorm, floating in water for hours. What joy, to stand before Him in awe, to dance on the beach, to stand with a group of people and spontaneously start singing worship songs, to have deep theological conversations about suffering and desiring God above all, to discuss how we’ve changed and struggled over the last few months. I reached a point where I was able to turn my brain off and just sit in their presence and not feel like I had to ask questions or carry the conversation or do anything than just BE with them. Moments like those will stay with me for a long time. 

Lately, I’ve found myself having a lot of words spoken over me and I’ve learned that you have to be careful what you let stick: loyal, boss girl, authentic, bible basher, important, impatient, uptight, easy, a good friend. If you let something continue for long enough, you risk becoming that person. I’ve had to really pray about some of those names given to me. Which ones are true? Which ones are Godly? I’ve definitely dismissed some of the above – they aren’t part of how God sees me and so I don’t want them to be how I see myself. For some of the words, they may not be the first time I heard them, but they really stuck this time the person said it. I’ve also started seeing the names God wants me to have: gentle, compassionate, kind. The words of this song have stuck with me lately: Everybody wants change, don’t nobody want to change though, don’t nobody want to pray. We complain a lot but rarely make an effort to change, rarely acknowledge that we may be the problem. Changing is hard but I love it. God is with me through it all, and I’m going to keep praying through it all. 

The Lord said to Moses: “Bring me seventy of Israel’s elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the tent of meeting, that they may stand there with you. I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone. ~ Numbers 11:16-17

Gotta love awkward 'family' pictures...I had to pick this one because of how Ashley is looking up at Tyler like, why you so tall?!

An Invitation to Dance

I’ve talked before about how God often ‘speaks’ to me through images, which amuses me endlessly because I’m such a verbal person, but He’s so gracious that He’s chosen a method where I know it’s Him and not me. It’s incredibly precious to me when He communicates in this way because it’s always something I desperately need to understand. The last few months I have been fairly frustrated – God has been working things in me and I couldn’t figure out what He was doing so everything felt like failure. There are many, many lessons that have been revealed to me in the last few weeks about this, but this goes along with something Michele told me about lacking grace for myself (that’s a whole other thing that I won’t get into right now). I was frustrated and exhausted and had no mental fortitude, no ability to say no to things. And God showed me this. He showed me what I looked like right now: the rock that I am normally standing on, my foundation that is Christ, I was now hanging on to it for dear life, caught in the swiftly moving current. I was trying to do it by my own strength and it was exhausting.

One of our beautiful patients, ready for the
dress ceremony, to celebrate her new
beginning and share her testimony.

That was quite a wake up call. I knew what was needed – more time spent in prayer with God and more time in the Word, but when you aren’t feeling close to God it can be hard to convince yourself to do this. We all know that relationships require work, and this includes our relationship with God. Well a few weeks ago, my friend mentioned a website, desiringgod.org, which has a podcast with daily sermons from John Piper. So I found a moment to sit and listen to the sermon for that day. It was based off 1 John 2:15-17, and the message was essentially that we need to love God with all of our being.  No obstacle is insurmountable if we love God. And if we don’t love God with all we have right now, if we aren’t eager to spend time with Him, then what we need to do RIGHT NOW is to go before Him and ask Him to help us love Him more. There is nothing more important that we need to do. So this is what I did. God help me to love you more, not the things of this world but you alone. Help me desire to be in your presence!

Scripture expresses His response perfectly in Matthew 7:11, If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! God is a good, good father who loves to give good gifts to us if we would just ask Him. He has answered all my prayers in the most remarkable ways lately. I asked God to help me be excited to wake up every day, to be motivated and looking forward to what He has for me that day, to be ready to jump out of bed and walk with Him. And so God showed me how the world is a beautiful melody that He’s created and that every day He invites us to come dance with Him. He told me that lately, I haven’t been dancing at all, I’ve been missing His invitation. And so for the last few weeks, I have woken up every day before my alarm (5:17am this morning…), with God saying let’s go, I’ve got some amazing things for you today, let’s dance! I joke that some days we’re doing the salsa or a slow dance, and some days we’re square dancing…He’s also given me a new image of me standing on the rock that is Christ, a new picture of what He intends me to be, but that’s a whole story for another day.

Three siblings who all had successful cataract surgery! To
make sure they don't touch their eyes, they are given these
funny looking glasses for a few days.

I could ramble on like this for a while but I suppose I should probably tell you a bit of what we’ve been up to aboard the Africa Mercy (maybe not writing a blog every week was a bad idea, but I’ve been so busy that I think that’s another God blessing). Well in terms of programs, our Agriculture program wrapped up last week as the students defended their theses, graduated and now will go out into the communities to teach others what they have learned. We had representatives from 3 different countries so the knowledge will spread far and wide. Our Ponseti mentoring program is also wrapping up as we have our final dance party on Friday. This doesn’t mean that the correcting of club feet stops – rather it means Mercy Ships steps back and allows the locals that we’ve trained to run the clinic fully on their own. We have equipped them as much as we can and now they will continue to treat people on their own. In Madagascar we established a Ponseti clinic which treated 30 patients in a 10 month period as we trained the staff (two blocks of 15 patients). Since we left in June (10 months ago), they’ve treated over 70 patients! I’m very passionate about Mercy Ships as a whole but this is the stuff I get most excited about. Our celebrations of sight have also continued, with more and more patients having their vision restored. In a few weeks we will have a celebration specifically for the children who have had their eyesight restored – I can’t wait! We’ve also continued with our dress ceremonies for the fistula ladies who are now healed and excited to return to their homes. You can probably tell but we love to celebrate what God is doing here and praise Him for all the lives that have been transformed. 

The Comms team being our goofy self after karaoke.
Photo credit goes to Tyler (that's a whole story in itself).

In terms of the Comms team, we always find ways to keep things lively – this time it was a karaoke session to accompany serving ice cream after community meeting. We had lots of hilarious performances and were able to drag a lot of crew into our party. We were kept pretty busy by all the stuff that was released by Dana Perino, another hit on her show ‘The Five’, a blog post, and a millennial video that included 5 of my favourite people. I joked with my friends that when I miss them next field service I’ll just go back and watch this video which has them all laughing and sharing. March was a packed month for teams – Dana Perino, a team from Norway, a team from the UK that I hosted last week, and currently several people from the marketing agencies who work with Mercy Ships. Hosting the UK team was great fun – they were lovely, hilarious people, and God was in it with me so I didn’t feel exhausted at the end of the week.  I also had the pleasure of helping to host the U.S. Ambassador at the HOPE Center (Dana mentioned it to her), and was also involved in interviewing some candidates for the 2^nd media liaison role next year. There is one candidate that I am super excited about and I got really passionate when telling her about the job and was reminded why I have the best job. I ran around hugging people after, which is how you know I was REALLY excited. 

The Advance team, ready to go!

The first element of the Advance team left last week, which was a big tearful goodbye. We finished up all our training, took a team photo, and went out for a team dinner before they left. One really special blessing was during the community meeting before they left, they called the whole advance team up to the front and invited anyone who was close to us to come up to pray for us and send us off. What a special moment to be surrounded by people who love you and lay hands on you and send you off in Jesus’s name. It brought back memories of when Humbervale did the same thing – gathered around me and sent me off with their prayers. These are moments that will stick with me. It was also a reminder of how God knows exactly what He is doing. At first I was disappointed to not be able to be part of the 1^st element (due to work conflicts) but now I am so thankful that I have another two months until I leave. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet! 

Ready to watch the 1st Nat Geo episode. There's a joke to be
had about how I don't close my mouth, even for pictures...
Love these guys so much :)

We do also have quite a bit of fun (you don’t want to hear about that, do you?! aha). We had a ship holiday which involved adventures such as sleeping outside on deck 7 ( although I’m not sure I would call it sleeping…); hiking around another random forest and climbing trees and watching tall people fall over things; playing touch football with some of the dads and kids; going to the beach and tossing the football around with local kids; an unexpected, amazing 3 hour jam session where some of our incredibly talented crew took song requests and we sang and danced and laughed; going on one final country music drive with our group and praying over Ben before he left; having a hymn night in the café where I learned that hymns were used to pass along theology to those who were illiterate. Other notable events over the last few weeks include a weird veggie tale marathon (long story); a 6am fire drill which blocked off the main space on the ship and caused my newly arrived guests quite some confusion about how to get off the ship (don’t worry, we helped them out!); a weekend spent up at the orphanage, filled with the most hilarious conversations, intense games of mafia, gardening/weeding, loving on small children, moving conversations about God’s calling, family pictures and so much more. We also had a showing (on the ship) of the first episode of the National Geographic series The Surgery Ship that was filmed on board a few months ago. We had a packed house! I won’t spoil it, but I thought it was so honouring to the crew. They don’t have a release date for Canada yet but I will let you know when they do!

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. ~1 John 2:15-17

Here are links to some of the recent media content that's been published:

- Dana Perino Fox Hit #1: https://punditfromanotherplanet.com/2017/03/10/video-dana-perino-joins-mercy-ships-humanitarian-mission-in-africa/

-Dana Perino Fox Hit #2: http://video.foxnews.com/v/5363644605001/?#sp=show-clips

-Dana Perino Millennial Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBAZC7H8Q3E&feature=youtu.be

-Dana Perino Blog Post about her visit to the ship: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2017/03/16/dana-perino-how-reset-my-heart-after-brutal-election-my-visit-to-mercy-ships.html

-Nat Geo Italian Promo (because seeing people you know dubbed in other languages is hilarious): https://www.facebook.com/natgeotvitalia/videos/10154348214742124/?autoplay_reason=user_settings&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0

-Nat Geo Australian Promo: https://www.facebook.com/TheSurgeryShip/videos/820978718058327/?hc_ref=SEARCH
This awesome song that Nicki Rogers, one of our guests in January, wrote while she was on board, and is performing at concerts across the UK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oROGOV8K3Ak

Being Infinitely Valuable

Cheering on the local rugby team!

I feel like time has really started to speed up lately. We’ve already started talking about ‘Finishing Strong’. Being on Advance means having quite a different perspective because as everyone else is winding down, we’re gearing up and I have to get ready to shift up a gear – but not yet. For now I am firmly focused on this job and everything that needs to be done. The last couple community gatherings, our speakers have been talking about value and it’s caused me to really sit back and re-evaluate some things. One of our chaplains talked about how the value of an object is determined by what someone is willing to exchange/give up for it. God was willing to give up His son’s life to have us. Think about that. That makes us infinitely valuable. It’s a crazy, incomprehensible, unconditional love. Another speaker talked about sacrificial love and this idea of being willing to give up everything, to die for others. Do I have that level of love? For friends and family, absolutely. But what about for those I’m indifferent to? Or for those whose company I don’t enjoy? While I can’t think of anyone I hate or dislike immensely, I think for me the struggle is people who I find to be incompetent. Would I be willing to sacrifice everything for them? I think that’s Jesus level love. We did a quick personality/trait test as part of our Advance preparation and my number one trait was Activator, which is basically a go-getter, the person who gets it done. On the whole list, mine was the only one who also listed negative. It said, these people are usually impatient. Well there’s some truth for you. What does it matter if the person doesn’t do something as fast as I would or the way I think it should be done? They’re pleasing God, not me. Only God knows their heart, knows how hard their trying, knows how far they’ve come. I can only see now, this one instance. He sees their lifetime, their struggles, how far they’ve walked with Him. Through them, God is revealing Himself. He’s teaching me patience for one thing. He’s teaching them to lean on Him, He’s showing how great and awesome He is, and so many more things.

Off Dana's Facebook - a quick snapshot of our Saturday.

We often hear about how God is a good father and wants to give us the very best – this week was a wonderful example of that for me, of how well He knows me. I had the pleasure of hosting Dana Perino from Fox News ‘The Five’, along with her husband and assistant. This gave me a front row seat to some very interesting conversations and interactions. I got to sit and listen to Dana and Dr. Mark Shrime have breakfast and discuss a wide variety of topics. It was like a little happy dream place for me, listening to two incredibly intelligent people discuss politics and history and the global surgical need and encouraging young people to do more and books! I love people who love to read and Dana had some great book recommendations. I also got to go to the residence of the U.S. ambassador and listen to the conversation that they had about Benin, world affairs, Mercy Ships, and much more. We also brought one of the academy students so he could interview the ambassador and he had some great questions! It was lovely to see how much Dana encouraged him. She was a big encouragement to the crew, speaking at our global community meeting and making everyone laugh, even taking questions and showing us why she was such a good press secretary to President Bush. I got to sit and ask her questions about how she started (answering phones for a congressman), and also saw how she used her large social media following to share about some critical positions that we need filled. She mentioned our need for a vehicle mechanic in her live broadcast and the next day we had several amazing candidates who had applied. We did many things while she was here and I’m grateful that I was able to be a small part of it. It was exhausting and all-consuming but a wonderful education for me. I’m incredibly grateful for the crew members who took them out in the evenings which allowed me to have a rest! 

All scrubbed up and ready to go.

On Sunday we went down to the Ward service for our first Dress Ceremony of the year. You may remember me mentioning them last year, but essentially a Dress Ceremony is a time to celebrate our OBF ladies who now have a new start to life! These ladies have often been leaking urine for many years due to prolonged childbirth (one lady said it had been 19 years), and now they have had surgery and are dry. They get new dresses and jewelry and makeup put on and we have a big dance party where they share their testimonies. It is always beautiful and moving. Here in Benin, everyone loves to break out in song, with all the glory going to God.

Attempting to paddle our boats...

I’ll just mention a few of the other new things I got to experience this past two weeks. I got to see a surgery for the first time, it was intense! They were chipping off bone from a patient’s hip to graft it to a metal bar in their face so that a new jaw bone would grow to replace the one they removed to remove a facial tumour (that’s my non-medical understanding of it). Our surgeons are remarkable. I think what impacted me the most was the community and feeling in the OR. The surgeons and OR nurses were laughing and teasing each other, still taking their work seriously, but knowing when to lighten things up and find that balance. It was fun being in there. I also spent a night at the stilt village. We got to take out a boat and paddle around which was a hilarious and frustrating experience. Here we were, two Canadians with plenty of paddling experience and we couldn’t get our boat to go straight! No idea what was going on there. We went for a walk through part of the village that was on dry land and also got up very early to see the morning market, where many ladies are out in their boats with lanterns, selling food to the men who are going out to fish. The whole time we were there people were shouting yovo, yovo at us (and weirdly enough, monsieur), and saying, give me money. I’m not sure if it’s worse for me because I understand everything they're saying but it really got to me this time. It made me miss being able to walk around and be invisible, inconspicuous. It’s a good lesson in grace and patience.

A quick glance at our Agriculture program.

We had visit from Graca Machel, who is Nelson Mandela's widow and the only woman to be First Lady of two countries. If you get a chance, I would recommend looking her up - the work she's done stands on its own and she isn't overshadowed by the men she was married to. I also got to visit our Agriculture site, where a crew member (who is actually Beninois) is teaching 34 people how to do sustainable farming. The program is called Food For Life and is a Train the Trainers program, which means he is teaching them how to teach these techniques to others. The participants are split into various teams and they come together to decide what they want to grow next to each other, based on nitrogen in the soil, crop life, and a bunch of other things I don’t understand. Food is key to having healthy people and I loved the emphasis that is put on building up strong community leaders. I also finally went to the fabric market, bought fabric and had a dress and skirt made. I have an aversion to shopping so it was an in and out thing for me but I’m glad I went through the process and made myself do it. The locals love it when we wear African fabric and I got lots of compliments on it.

Anna and I showing off our African fabric.

We all know I could go on and on about all the great stuff going on here, but I will limit myself to one last thing. One night I was really struggling, with questions of identity, value, purpose, the usual overwhelming lies that we tell ourselves, when a friend knocked on my door because they needed something. They could tell something was wrong and instead of just accepting my brush off answer that everything would be okay, they persisted. It was hard, to say the things I was feeling aloud, to show that weakness and vulnerability, to overcome that lie in my head that says I’m burdening this person with my problems. But, as is often the reaction on the ship, they asked if they could pray for me. I don’t know why that still surprises me so much. It really helped me refocus and gave me a sense of peace about things. In a later discussion, they told me that it made them feel good that they were able to pray for me and help me in that instance. I sometimes forget how much of a blessing it is to be needed, to be useful, to be able to help others. It’s a good reminder to allow others to serve us, especially in our times of need. God is so tangibly present in those moments, where both people are being blessed by the interaction, by being open and vulnerable. God is good, God is here, God is faithful.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ~Romans 5:8

When one of the writers pulls out her camera, tells you all to grab a bear and pretend it's your baby, and you all listen to her... PC: Anna Psiaki

The Calm Before the Storm

Juste - one of our cute general patients, with his momma.

Due to some scheduling changes and cancellations, Tiffany and I have found ourselves without teams to host for a few weeks. Not that there isn’t always plenty to do – hosting day visitors and media, helping with tours, working on cleaning up processes for whoever comes next, helping with odd jobs as needed, and for myself, working on advance stuff. But not hosting visitors means that the pace is a lot slower, that I have more flexibility for when I want to do my work and how I want to do it, that I have a lot more time to think about things. This also means that I have a lot more time to talk to people and hear all the amazing things that are going on. A few examples of awesome stories I heard:

The dental team hits its 4000th patient and Don makes a
surprise appearance.

Last week our dental team went up to Abomey where they set up in an orphanage and provided dental services to the kids and the people in the surrounding area. They served over 300 people with minimal tools (no water, no electricity) and from what I heard, did many, many extractions. Imagine seeing 15-20 patients a day and pulling multiple teeth from each – that’s hard work! I love how our dental team really reaches out to the community and impacts so many people. A few weeks ago they hit their 4000^th patient.

The next eye surgeon that is arriving is a man from Togo who was trained by the ship when it was previously there. He now has his own practice and travels back to the ship to volunteer. What a lasting impact. This is the core of what our Medical Capacity Building (MCB) team does – training nurses, surgeons, anesthetists, and others, to be able to serve their own (and other) people, so that we don’t need to! Stories like this get me really excited.

Dr.Odry - Benin's first plastic surgeon.

Another touching MCB story is that of Benin’s first and only plastic surgeon – Dr.Odry. Our Comms team wrote a bit of her story: “When I was twelve, I saw a woman on TV…her husband had burned her with acid - her face had become fused to her neck, so she could never look a person in the eye. There was not one plastic surgeon to help her in Benin. That’s when I chose my profession…” What a remarkable woman! She spent the last few weeks aboard the ship being mentored by our very own plastic surgeon, Dr.Tertius, learning new techniques and honing her skills to better serve her country.

My friend Michelle also shared a story with me recently, demonstrating the servant heart of this community and how easy it is to bless others if we are willing to stop for a moment and really see people and think about how we can serve them: https://milesformercy.wordpress.com/2017/02/19/urgent-vs-important/. 

It's not a celebration unless there's lots of dancing!

I also had the privilege of witnessing our first Celebration of Sight. This is essentially a big dance party for those who now have sight. The blind see! What a celebration of life and sight. The people here love to dance, and they especially love to worship in dance. After the dancing, some of the patients were asked if they wanted to share their testimonies. It turns out everyone wanted to. We heard stories of people who had been blind for 42 years; young people who had developed cataracts due to diabetes and now couldn’t go to school; others who hadn’t been able to leave their homes in many years without assistance. I made me think about how God gave me spiritual sight, how he tore the veil and allowed me to truly see Him – how often do I celebrate that? Probably not as much as I should. How often are we jumping out of our seats to share our testimony? It was really special to see.

Many crew members don’t get to hear these stories, and may not necessarily understand how we are leaving a lasting impact in a country. Some of these questions had come up lately amongst my friends so I used this lull in hosting as an opportunity to bring some of the crew to the various off site locations that we have – the dental clinic, eye clinic and Ponseti clinic. I was really moved to see how the crew at each of those locations was so welcoming to them (even though they didn’t know we were coming) and gladly gave them a tour, explained what they did, etc. It’s great the see the crew so passionate about what they do, and I think that’s what really impacts our guests when they come.

Maurinho is eager to use his new legs!

I also got to see some remarkable moments of community, truly giving glory to God in all things. Moments where someone had made a difficult decision and was struggling with that and two friends gave her very Godly advice and just asked, how can we serve you in this? And then said, first, let’s pray about this. Moments where someone was struggling, feeling under attack and just came and approached her team and asked for prayer over the situation and they surrounded her and did just that. Moments where someone was leaving and her friends organized a big dance party and celebration but at the end everyone gathered around her real tight and prayed thankfulness and blessings over her (sweatiest prayer ever!). I am always so blown away by this community. And also by how much change God has worked in me. To the point where people sharing their hurt with you, means that you hurt too, that having compassion means hurting with them, but being able to trust Him and pray in all things. God only knows why love is drenched in tears, maybe that’s what makes it love – Heaven Knows (Hillsong United).

The last few weeks have also brought lots of laughter and joy: another weekend spent up at the orphanage, getting to meet people’s parents and doing ridiculous things like running 8km in the heat and pulling up mantioc and peeling it and seeing it go through the whole process of becoming edible; a party in the pool with music and glowsticks and a football; getting to spend a whole day working with Tyler to build our new gym equipment and having a nurse ask if you are on the maintenance team and can she put in a request; going to the fabric market and finally picking out some African fabric to get made into a dress; and lots of life giving conversations about life and God and the future. There are still difficult days, days where I'm not sure how I'm called to serve that day, who I'm called to serve here in this place. I would love prayer for the days ahead as we host some very high profile guests, followed by the wrapping up of the field service, heading to Cameroon for advance and then starting another field service strong in Cameroon. Through all of this I want to keep sight of who I am here serving.

See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ~ Exodus 23:20

So exciting to see how many lives our eye program has changed - one eye at a time! So far 311 patients have received sight.

Learning to Succeed in Ways That Matter

I’ll start off with a Bob Goff quote for you: I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter. I really recommend his book Love Does, full of examples of being present, living life with whimsy and how love is about action. That quote has really resonated with me lately because of the hosting I’ve been doing. I’ve hosted two vision teams in the last three weeks and I often find that when I get to the end of a hosting week, I get lots of congratulations and encouragement, but it all feels empty and hollow. I feel nothing at the end, no sense of accomplishment. And that’s because all week I’ve been so busy running around and doing stuff that I forgot to include God in it. I’ll do my quiet time in the morning, but then 12 hours of work will go by and I won’t have gone back to God in all that time. I really do need that constant reminder to praise Him and thank Him for all He does. And so I will the reach the end of the week, and all the praise will feel empty because I didn’t include God in every minute, in every word that was said. I want to make sure I’m succeeding at things that matter, in ways that matter. I want to host trips, not in a Renée way, but in a God way, so that at the end of the week, all the praise goes to God for everything He accomplished, for the hearts He changed, for the smiles and moments He created. It’s a work in progress.

One of our Swedish guests, the CEO of Stena Line, who is
helping us to build the new ship, playing with one of the patients.

Even though I’ve been on the ship for a year now, I've experienced quite a few 'firsts' over the last few weeks. I had my first dental cleaning on board (perks of being long term crew!), although it is a bit strange being treated by people you know – imagine living in a village of 400 people! The person you share a room with is the person who bakes the bread; your boss is also your mentor and giver of all wisdom and fellow adventure taker; the carpenter fixing the doors is your close friend; when you’re giving tours to your guests and all the nurses who are explaining their departments are your friends; the run you went on is witnessed by all the gurkhas and the hospital director and anyone else who happens to look outside…you get the idea! It’s unique and crazy but somehow it all works (basically because everyone is full of love and grace).

Somehow in the midst of living on a hospital ship in Africa, we happen to have pretty ‘normal’ moments, full of laughter and community, just doing life together. One night we were playing Frisbee on the dock and then that turned into a bit of rugby and then suddenly the rugby ball was on top of a giant warehouse and we were devising plans to get it down. After a few failed attempts, someone came up with a type of javelin which was a piece of wood tied to a rope and that actually worked, except the javelin got stuck on the roof with the rope hanging down, so we tried to get that down and ended up making an even bigger mess of it. But hey, I got my rugby ball down and we had an evening full of laughter and whimsy! One Sunday morning, about 30 of us gathered round the TV to watch the Australian Open (tennis) final, complete with lots of yelling and cheering. One evening, Jill from Arbre de Vie, came to pick up a few of us girls and we went to dinner. She told us lots hilarious stories and we had a great time talking about life in rural Benin.

Our murder mystery group - Hollywood themed this time.

We did another murder mystery but this time with 36 people (which is insane) and it involved getting cast in a movie and ‘acting’ out a scene from it at the end. I got cast as the dead body, which was quite amusing, although the one person who I thought was innocent, turned out to be the killer. During one community meeting, my boss and I were sharing about a generous donation of gym equipment (which has finally arrived!!) so we dressed up in gym clothes and ran up all pumped up before sharing the news. On the ship holiday I went to the beach with some of families and got pretty sunburnt, although I guess that’s not really new.

I had the opportunity to watch a Beninese rugby game (they’re actually pretty good) because one of our crew members, Denny, has been playing with them. It brought back lots of memories of watching my sister play rugby. There’s something very life giving about watching sports and cheering on a team/player together – it translates across cultures. People get so excited and it’s fun to see your friends do well. It was also a cool opportunity to get to meet a segment of the population that we would normally never interact with through Mercy Ships. This group of young, confident, athletic men. It’s neat to see this other side of Beninese society, a group that doesn’t need any of the services we provide, a group that has dreams and goals, a group that is the future of this country.

I also had another very ‘American’ experience – a Sunday afternoon drive with the windows down and the country music blasting, surrounded by 5 amazing people. I think it’s one of my absolute favourite moments from Benin, one of those moments you wish wouldn’t end. To think I had to come all the way to Africa to meet such lovely people from my own continent. Another semi-normal experience was seeing my Swedish guests pull out gifts from home for various crew members. One of the guests had been to the Netherlands and gotten some Dutch chocolate and magazines and a variety of other things for one of the Dutch families onboard. It was so cute to see him get their son to open the bag and start pulling stuff out. They were genuinely surprised and touched. I love that my job allows me to see these kinds of special moments. I get to be a fly on the wall as crew members share their heart for this place and their dreams for the future, in a way they wouldn’t necessarily tell other crew members. It’s great to see people get excited to meet guests.

Visiting the historical capital of Benin - Abomey.

Now for a not so normal experience, actually a very African experience – having lunch with the King. We were invited by the King of Abomey (turns out he’s actually a prince) to come have lunch. After a 3 hour drive we arrived and were warmly greeted. They showed us some of the big historical areas and explained the history of this place which used to be the capital of the whole region, a kingdom named Dahomey, which made up current day Benin, Togo and Nigeria. They invited us to tour a local museum as well. Afterwards we were brought to the kings place where we were treated to ‘dinner and a show’. They fed us local food and had dancers and music going the whole time. At the end the king invited some crew members to come up and dance with him (never sit in the front row!). It was pretty hilarious. Before leaving, the king generously offered to do an interview with one of our academy kids. Well, at the same time, a whole group of us had to go to the washroom and we were led to the washroom attached to the King’s bedroom. As we were in there waiting, they started the interview, and we were told to hide in the corners to not be in the shot. You had about 20 women standing awkwardly in the corner of the King’s bedroom – it was quite amusing.

Dancing with the King of Abomey.

And finally for a few unique Mercy Ships moments - I was down in the wards with my guests one day and this little baby named David came up to me and asked me to pick him up. Both his hands and feet had been webbed and he just had surgery on all four to separate the digits, so his hands and feet were all wrapped up. He was a cutie and I took him with us for the rest of the tour, with all the nurses heckling me for stealing him away from them. That same day, I walked by a ward and saw that another David, the ortho patient who I’ve mentioned before, had just had his casts cut off and was going to walk for the first time without them. I was so EXCITED for him! Afterwards I found him on the dock and he said everything went well, so we celebrated together. I was so happy for him. I’ve been going to the HOPE Center and helping him practice speaking and reading in English and he’s getting so good! We were reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar which I remember reading in school, and I was trying to remember what caterpillar was in French when he pulled out a French-english dictionary. One of the nurses had given it to him. I thought that was so sweet! Every day I’m so amazed at this community. If you were wondering, the word for caterpillar is chenille.

And so, I guess I’ll wrap up all this rambling just by saying that 1 year later I am still experiencing many new things; a mixture of ‘normal’ (whatever normal is), African and Mercy Ships unique moments. Even when things get momentarily harder, there is so much to be thankful for, so many special experiences from the big crazy things to the small encouraging smiles in the hallway. In Exodus, Moses is telling his father in law, Jethro, about everything that happened and I love his reaction. I pray that we would all be delighted to hear about the good things that God is doing in each other's lives, and that our reaction would be to praise Him!

Jethro was delighted to hear about all the good things the Lord had done for Israel in rescuing them from the hand of the Egyptians. He said, “Praise be to the Lord, who rescued you from the hand of the Egyptians and of Pharaoh, and who rescued the people from the hand of the Egyptians. ~ Exodus 18:9-10

We had 8 amazing surgeons onboard last week, covering many different specialities, representing Canada, USA, Ethiopia, Australia, South Africa and the UK.

Ready for Right Now

Every day is an adventure, a gift from God, and we get to decide how we want to spend it. “Set my sights on tomorrow, when I’m tripping over today...starting right here, right now, with the very next words of love to be spoken, to the very next heart that’s shattered and broken, to the very next way you’re gonna use me, show me the next thing, I’ll do the next thing”. I just want to share some of the moments that God has led me through in the last two weeks.

Love: when a surgeon removes a 13kg tumour from a woman’s back, one that has been growing since birth, and now she has literally had a weight lifted off her shoulders and can lie on her back for the first time. 

On Christmas day lots of crew went to the
HOPE Center to help handout gifts to the
kids - and we also played some rugby!

Thoughtfulness: when you go to the HOPE Center to visit your friends who are working (and the kids), and your friend suggests bringing them pizza and it turns out to be the best idea because you get to show them how much you love them.

History: walking the 4km slave route to the Gate of No Return, having great conversations and discovering a delicious local restaurant along the way.

Tasting: having friends who make you try new things and some of them actually turn out to be pretty good! Pineapple gets a thumbs up, Falafel not so much. And the homemade guacamole that they made me try was definitely the best.

Servant Hearts: There are so many amazing servants here. Often we are short handed in certain departments and crew will come help out in other areas where they have expertise. Everyone pitches in. We have a mechanic fitter helping fix cars; an Internet Support Services Specialist helping out the Academy as an Art Teacher; a dining room team member helping in IS; a receptionist helping in rehab; chaplains helping in the engine room and reception and the academy; and the list goes on and on.

At the Ponseti dance party. Pure joy.

Celebration: having a dance party at the Ponseti clinic to celebrate new straight feet! Seeing the moms dance and sing so loud in worship and being so thankful to God for healing their babies.

Excellence: 6am fire drills that make people leave their cabins half asleep and push the fire teams to be ready at any time.

Boat Rides: I had an opportunity to go visit another stilt village, complete with a mosque, church, school, well, fishing industry, bars and restaurants and hotels, etc. Around 50,000 people live there. The kids start paddling their boats at around 4 years old and they have to travel by boat everywhere they go.

Story time: Getting to listen to Dr.Gary tell inspiring stories to my visitors. We had a situation a few months back where a patient had to go into emergency surgery and the emergency medical team did an amazing job of saving the patient’s life. Afterwards, Dr.Gary said many of the hospital leaders were meeting and going over everything that happened and discussing what they could do better next time, etc. and then he went into the wards and the patients were in there dancing and singing and celebrating and thanking God because the patient was alive! A good reminder to not get so caught up in the future that we forget the present, that we forget to thank God for all the good things He has done.

The Canadian Vision Team that I hosted.

Privileged: Hosting a group of lovely Canadian vision trip guests. So nice to have people who literally speak your language, have familiar accents and a similar worldview. I was reminded of why I love my job – I get to brag about Mercy Ships, and show off all the amazing work God is doing here.

Patriotism: having so many American friends has certainly changed my views on Americans (in a good way). They’ve also introduced me to a large amount of country music that I had never heard before (not that pop country stuff), and it is hilarious to listen to what they sing about. There’s definitely a lot of patriotism, trucks and beer. Oh, and girls.

Management Training: realizing that your boss has all the qualities that everyone just listed as being the qualities they look for in a boss. Because she’s amazing. In fact, she’s such a good leader that I don’t think I can give her up. But more on that another time. Also, realizing that you don't have all those qualities you look for in a leader which means you’ve got a lot of things to work on.

Local TV: Hosting the national TV station at the eye clinic and I can’t help but be touched when the patients they interview talk about how nice and lovely we were to them. Not just that they were healed or that it was free, but that we were kind and loving with them. That’s the heart of what we do and what we want to be remembered for – showing the love of Jesus, a love that doesn’t make sense!

I gave Sharon a hard time but I'm glad we got this picture!

Life Giving: getting to spend the weekend at the orphanage that we visit, Arbre de Vie (Tree of Life), which always lives up to its name. It’s such a life-giving time for all of us, every time we go. We cleaned out some empty store rooms, tore up the floors and laid out some new concrete. I’m always amazed by the strong women that I am surrounded by here. We played with the kids, ate delicious food, played games with the adults, spent quiet time with God, went to their local church, bought the kids lunch, and just hung out. It’s a much slower pace of life out there.

Road Trips: Hosting 3 Dutchies who are driving from the tip of Norway all the way to South Africa and visiting NGOs along the way. They only stayed for 5 hours and yet they told me they felt like family while they were with us. They were amazed by the level of organization and by the passion of the crew. I love it hearing those things!

Leveling up: French braiding my own hair for the first time, who knew I’d ever have enough hair to do that?

Sing Alongs: watching Tarzan with a whole group of friends and everyone belting along to every song. Oh and watching Tangled with a lot of the ship kids and your friends being surprised that you know all the words but really that movie is one of your absolute favourites and makes you cry every time because God is so good, And at last I see the light, And it’s like the fog has lifted, And at last I see the light, And it’s like the sky is new, And it’s warm and real and bright, And the world has somehow shifted, All at once everything looks different, Now that I see You.

I'm ready for the next moment. Not tomorrow, not this summer, not Cameroon. I'm ready for right now. God is at work and I can't wait to see what He will do.

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” ~ John 8:12

Starting 2017 With An Adventure

Taking silly pictures on New Years Eve.

2017 certainly started off with a bang – some of us decided we wanted to have a dance party so we managed to snag a large speaker and head up to an empty room, grab the youth and some other friends, and put on some great dance music. We took a brief break to officially ring in the New Year with everyone else and then were back at it, laughing and jumping and being ridiculous. What a great way to spend the New Year! New Years day was spent at Babs dock, a lovely little place on a lake, spent with some families, telling stories and laughing. I think all dads are the same in that they tell the best stories – it helped fill that hole that misses sitting around the table with my family, laughing at all my dad’s crazy stories. 

2017 also meant surgeries started again – another block of plastics, and eye surgeries for the first time since the first field service in Madagascar! So exciting to know that this program is underway. 3 days a week they are operating on the ship and the other two days they operate at the local hospital, in partnership with them. We've had large surgeon screenings on the dock, over 50 patients in a day, and Rehab has continued with all their amazing work, teaching kids how to use their new legs. Tiffany and I have been busy planning for all the upcoming teams and Sunday the first team of the new year arrives from Canada! I’m very excited to be able to show my own people all the amazing work that Mercy Ships does.

At the engagement party!

During the break, many people went home and when they came back we discovered that two of our onboarding friends had gotten engaged (not to each other!) so we had a hilarious engagement party for them. We played the Not So Newlywed game, did some ridiculous acting and had some delicious cake (which we made them cut together). I love that our onboarding family will find any and all excuses to get together and celebrate each other. It's this amazing community that makes this place home and these guys are a big part of that, with evenings full of laughter and stories.

A nice snapshot of our trip that Michelle put together.

Before things started up again, a few of us decided to take a trip up north and it was amazing. I could not have asked for anything better. We took an 11 hour bus ride up to Tangieta and stayed in these lovely bungalows. It was so nice to be out in nature, to see trees, to sleep without air conditioning, to have nowhere to be, no technology calling to us, just being together. The next day with headed up to this beautiful waterfall, where we swam and climbed and jumped off things. After that we entered Pendjari park and drove to the hotel in the park, where we checked in and then went for an evening safari ride. I may or may not have fallen asleep at some point…But it was neat because we got to see elephants and lions and baboons and a hippo and lots of different types of deer. The hotel was pretty expensive so instead of getting another room we just got more mattresses and slept all four girls in one room which was fun. The next day we drove around the park some more and then headed to Natitingou. I think it’s the most amazing place I’ve seen in Benin. We stayed at a compound run by some Swiss missionaries (they weren’t there), who spend time praying with the local people, reaching out to them and sharing the gospel. They also opened a school for girls who’ve never been to school and they teach them how to read and write. Everything is managed by a Beninese couple, both of whom have done their DTS (discipleship training) with YWAM (Youth With a Mission) before coming to work here. They treated us so well, and made us some interesting local meals. I definitely ate some new things. 

A small glimpse of Natitingou from the top of a hill.

The night we arrived we went for a hike up one of the hills/mountains, and there was some definitely some tree climbing involved. The people I was with were tree climbing pros. The next day, I spent the morning hiking the mountains, climbing all over the place, and encountered quite a few locals who were carrying large amounts of wood down the mountain – on their heads of course! It was amazing to spend all that quiet time with God, to listen for His still, small voice, and to spend time in the Word. The town itself is quite beautiful, all laid out in at the base of these hills and developed enough that it was lit up at night. That afternoon we took a long zemi ride to another waterfall, and we spent the afternoon climbing and swimming before heading back. That night we relaxed and the next morning we made the 9 hour bus ride back to Cotonou. It was wonderful to be out in nature again, to see the stars, to be able to climb trees and explore. And we had such an amazing group of people, the whole trip was filled with wonderful conversations and laughter.

Who says I'm not a touchy person? To be honest,
if there wasn't a picture, I wouldn't believe it.
I guess lots of things are changing!

My friend Tyler wrote something in his blog that really helped me understand how I’ve been feeling for the last few months. He was comparing the casting of feet with how God recasts and corrects our wrong facing hearts. “He is consistently putting me in an uncomfortable position and holding me there for a while until it becomes normal and my heart changes. Then he repeats the process.” I think that God has been doing this in me for the last few years, but that now we are getting into longer and slower changes. Many of the quick, little things have been fixed and now we’re into things that are much harder to change, and impossible to do on my own. This weekend away, I realized that I have definitely mellowed out over the last few months. I’m less likely to argue and shout out my opinion; I will back down if I see that there is no purpose in the argument and someone is getting upset; I’m more likely to stay quiet. That’s not to say I don’t have a long, long way to go, but the change has started. In the past, I’ve tried to actively make these changes many times, but it never worked. So I started praying about it, praying that the Holy Spirit would help me. And I think that’s why it’s been a slow, unconscious change – because it’s not me doing it, but the Holy Spirit working in me. I’ve also finally realized that truth doesn’t trump love, that just because something is true doesn’t mean it needs to be shouted out so casually or candidly. If you had told me two years ago that I would admit that, I would have laughed at you. It’s encouraging to see that God is working big changes in me and I’m so thankful that He has sent us the Holy Spirit to help us do those things that we could never do on our own.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. ~ Ezekiel 36:26

An amazing trip with the best group of people :)