Be Kind to Yourself

Most of our lovely Canadian crew.

The last couple weeks on the Ship I saw that several people were reading a book called Looming Transitions. Apparently it’s good to start planning your transition a couple of months in advance. So I figured I would go get a copy from the Chaplains and see what it had to say. Let me say, I’m glad that the first chapter was about being kind to yourself (at least that’s what I got out of it). It talks about the tension that comes from being in a place and that reality continuing, but knowing you are leaving and starting a new reality. For me it’s the balance between: the Ship getting ready to send the Advance team to Guinea (and being in the middle of that because I’m doing HR handover), winding down Cameroon, sending Assessment teams to Senegal, helping to hire new Media Liaisons for Guinea (and starting to train them, leave handover material, etc.), watching the calendar fill up with teams and media for next year, hearing the talk about the new Ship; and knowing I’m going home, thinking about where to live, where to work, finding a church, what I want to do. I know the reality that I’m approaching, but I can’t be fully in that reality yet because I’m still here for another three months and want to do that well. I’ve only just started the book but hopefully it has some good suggestions for managing that tension. In the meantime I will keep telling myself: be kind to yourself. There’s a lot of emotions and internal chaos happening right now, and that’s okay.

Jared smiling painfully after I made fun of him
and he had no come back (PC: Kat Sotolongo)

As usual, I spent some of the last few weeks hosting, in particular a large Belgian whirlwind of a trip which involved over 170 Belgians coming onboard, 10 Vision Trip guests, 3 large onboard events, and the final Ruben visit of the year. In non-work related activities, I got to do some role play and lead a team of ‘intruders’ in taking the Ship hostage as part of a security drill; I helped lead Comms Karaoke and rapped some Missy Elliott; I got to host our Global Community Gathering (where we ‘gather’ with our National Offices) with my buddy Jared and got some good laughs out of everyone; I attended two Celebration of Sights in one day (one for adults and one for kids) and the Eye team Day Crew decided that I was around enough that I was now an honorary member of their choir; and I got to attend an off ship dinner with the majority of our Canadian crew members, where I was reminded of how diverse our country is. 

Beach day with these ladies.

Some of you might remember my friend Anna who was here last year – she came back for a few weeks to help out at the HOPE Center. It’s been fun to have her around, even if it’s only for a short period of time. I got to take her and a group of others to Limbe where we frolicked (yes, that’s right, frolicked) in the sand, relaxed and got very sunburnt. I introduced them to the delicious gas station coffee that is Nescafe 3-in-1. We sang loudly to country music. We went for a walk down the beach and discovered this hotel that had made an area that captured the fresh water flowing down Mount Cameroon and you could swim in it – it was SO cold, but incredibly refreshing. I spent an evening with her at the Team House baking delicious chocolate chip cookies and singing to Disney music (you can see that we do a lot of singing). Funny enough, we both fly out next Friday and will be seeing each other again at Tyler’s wedding. I’ll be back in North America for a whirlwind week to celebrate my friend’s wedding, and spend some quality time with my sister. 

I’ve mentioned many times how God has been stretching me to be more vulnerable and what that’s looked like. Last time, I shared about all the positive things that have come from that, the ways I was pleasantly surprised. Recently, I had a bit of a different experience, where me trying to be vulnerable ended with me flat on my face. But this isn’t necessarily a ‘negative’ experience. It’s a necessary one. Time to read Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong. In Daring Greatly she explains how to be more open and vulnerable (and why it’s worth it); in Rising Strong she starts by explaining that when we dare greatly, we will inevitably get hurt and fall on our faces, and that it’s equally as important to learn how to get back up from that and try again. I can tell how much I’ve grown because even though the experience hurt and trust was broken, there is no part of me that regretted trying or wished I hadn’t trusted. Instead of closing myself off and putting all my walls back up, which would have been my previous response, my reaction has been to figure out how to get back up and try again.

If you ever needed a small window into what Renee is passionate about: yesterday was a day off and I spent it listening to Pod Save America (an amazing podcast by some former Obama staffers); reading two books about the Trump/Clinton campaigns (Unbelievable by Katy Tur; Shattered by Jonathan Allen); discussing abortion and transgender issues with two friends; and watching Designated Survivor (a political show where the Capitol building is blown up during the State of the Union and only one member of the cabinet, the designated survivor, survives and becomes President). As my return date approaches, I’ve spent more and more time trying to figure out exactly where I stand on controversial political issues, following the upcoming Ontario Provincial election, thinking about where I could go see a rally for the 2018 U.S. midterm elections, trying to find the candidate/party I want to support in Canada’s 2019 elections, figuring out how I can get involved in Ottawa’s municipal elections. I’m not quite sure where all this passion and interest will lead but all I know is that it’s been amplified the longer I’ve been away, especially as my arrival date gets closer and closer. All this to say, I think I picked the right Master’s program.

In the next three months, it's possible that my posts get further and further apart as I have less to say. Or (more likely) they will continue to come, but become less about Mercy Ships and more about my efforts to transition, not only home, but to the next season of life.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. ~ Isaiah 43:18-19

Giving a tour of our Midship/Café area.