Starting With a Spirit of Gratitude

At some point this week when I was in line for lunch, I noticed that someone had put a new sign on the community whiteboard. It said something along these lines: It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful. That really stopped me in my tracks. I think I’ve been mixing up the cause and effect, waiting for joyful events to be grateful about, when really I need to approach things with a grateful attitude and that in turn will bring me joy. Last week was a frustrating week – not necessarily because things were harder or worse than any previous weeks but because my attitude was worse, my heart position was worse and that made everything seem negative. My reaction to everything and everyone was immense frustration, and then I became frustrated that I was so frustrated because I didn’t want to feel this way. And yet, God was using this time to teach me many things.

A patient having his eyes checked during eye screening.

One big lesson that I have been continuously learning, is how much God uses other people to bless us, to encourage us, to show us His love. He surrounds us with people who pray for us, who listen to us vent, who empathize with us, who laugh and act silly with us. There are times when I feel immensely lonely on this ship, which seems crazy on a ship with 400 other people, but it’s true and I know others feel this way too sometimes. But I realize that in those times when I feel so alone, it's because my vision is clouded; my gaze has shifted away from God and I’m focused on myself or other things. When I have a moment of clarity, I realize that I am not alone at all – I am surrounded by a loving community, one that is striving to be more like Him, one that has the same struggles.

One thing I really need to work on is sharing my burdens with others. That’s the advice someone gave me after I said I only knew how to be happy Renée and that I wasn’t very good at being sad Renée. I had so many people speak into my life this week, without even knowing what I was struggling with. One person told me that they can tell when I’ve pulled back and become frustrated Renée because I walk around with a closed off look. They can tell I’ve shut others out – I don’t greet people, or share random things or light up and laugh. One wise lady gave me some amazing advice, she told me that instead of focusing on the things that sucked or were frustrating, to focus on the things that were done well, those things that I appreciated, and to tell people that, to tell them the things they did well. It seems simple, but when you’re caught in that fog of frustration or anger, it’s so easy to forget these things. This goes back to my quote at the beginning, about starting with a spirit of gratitude. 

Out dental team taking care of a patient.

In terms of what was happening this week, I was able to go and help with dental screening where our dental team supervisor does an amazing job of screening patients for the whole week, which is around 250 people. He runs up and down the lines examining people, and has separate numbers of wristbands for men, women and children. There are always far more women than men. They have also put a lot of thought into what they do – they don’t go down the line in order because often people will try and sell their spots to others if they understand the method. Instead, he randomly selects people, starting with those that he can see need immediate attention because their faces are swollen. The ship also hosted the entire national assembly of Benin (the Senate) and they had a lot of questions for us. Many people want to come and visit the ship. In terms of media, I went down to the hospital at one point and we had Nat Geo filming, a visiting Belgian media team that Tiff was hosting and our Comms team, all working down there. The hospital has been doing an amazing job of being patient and flexible with all the media that has been around, showing them so much love and compassion. 

David, with his family, at home after his surgery.

As for patients, the patients that I mentioned last week are all doing very well. God has worked many miracles. During worship last night, our worship leader said something really powerful. He said that whether the patient who was in critical condition had lived or died, we would still praise God. I am so grateful for leaders who always point back to God and His truth, who draw us closer to Him. Last night we had an amazing night of extended worship, which was such a blessing to the community. God always knows what we need and I think that He knew we needed an extra measure of His Spirit last night. It is so powerful and encouraging to stand with this community and approach the throne room of God. I am infinitely grateful for moments like last night and can’t help but be excited for an eternity spent worshiping our wonderful Creator. One of the songs had a chorus that said God with us, God for us. I needed that reminder, that not only is God with us but He is FOR us, He is fighting battles for us, He’s our rock, our refuge, our defender. 

Michele going above and beyond, taking on the role of photographer.

As for the creatives, they’ve been incredibly busy as well, and went on 2 home visits last week, with David and baby Israel. They’ve actually been so busy, that there has been a lot of load sharing happening. One great example is when they were unable to send a photographer to the opening of the agricultural site so our boss, Michele, took a camera with her when she went and captured some pictures. The HR director also took some pictures for us and he took this great shot of Michele getting right into it. For another project, not only did our videographer have to pass it off to a photographer, but they asked me to help - they must be getting really desperate (kidding!). The videos were for the Canadian office and it was fun because we got to run around the ship, gathering crew members and making them say stuff. If you follow Mercy Ships Canada on Facebook, you should see the videos eventually. And the beauty of helping to organize videos is that you don’t have to be in them (*insert evil laugh*).

And so a frustrating week came to an end and God gave me the strength to finally stop being a hermit. I had been slowly receding from the community (to my own detriment) and I was paying the price for it. I finally forced myself to go out and do things and I am so thankful for that because it filled me up so much. On Friday night, some of us went into town; on Saturday a group of us went up north again to the orphanage and worked hard taking apart pallets and sanding down the wood; and on Sunday, myself and a group of Brazilians went to what I call a ‘bush church’ for the second time. One of my friends, Rodrigo, was asked to preach last minute and he did an awesome job. It reminded me of when Peter says to always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have (1 Peter 3:15).  It really makes me think because I don’t think I could go up there and do that! The pastor of the church speaks 11 languages and translated from Portuguese to French, someone else translated that into Fon (the local language) and last time we were there I also translated the French into English for my friend. So many different cultures and languages, all worshipping the same amazing God. I leave you with the words of this song, a song that has so much truth in it, one that I haven’t been able to stop humming to myself today:

I will sing, sing, sing

To my God, my King

For all else fades away

And I will love, love, love

With this heart You’ve made

For You’ve been good always